Herr Soren Fick

Zhunder schnow? Iz zhat vhen you fart vhile vatchink ein televizion zhat haz bad vrezepzion? I am schure zhat zhe vind iz all zhe hot air komink from Herr Stainz. Bwahahahaha! Ah, I zee zhat you Ami's schtill tvry to uze ein lardje vrodent to predikt zhe veazher. How schtupidt iz zhat ja? Zhis iz vhy zhe vrezt of zhe vorld laffs at zhe Unitedt Ztates. Lozerz! Bwahahahahaha!

ACH! Ein veek later und schtill komplainink about ein little schnow? Neizher of you hav nozhink bezzer to do ja? Herr Dumpzter schould you not be preparink deinselbst for zhis Iova Kawkuz zhing vhere you zelekt zhe nekzt Ami fuhrer kandidatez?

Herr Stainz you zhink you are zo bad off zhat you hav to komplain about ein little schnow? You hav nozhink to komplain about! Vhen zome halv vit like Fritz leavez zhe vindow open durink ein schnow ztorm zhen you kan komplain! I vill nimer get zhe dank schmell out of mein automobil.

Herr Stainz it iz not zhat I zhink zhat you did not take zhat piktchure but I am zurprized zhat zhere iz einy schnow left konziderink all zhe hot air zhat zpews frum deiner mouzh.

Zhat iz vhat happenz vhen zhe zuperior Tjerman aktz on hiz own iniziative!

I hav ein vorekazt for zhe bozh of you. Zhere iz ein 100% chanze zhat you are oldt men vhizh nozhink to do but komplain!

Herr Dumzter is tvryink to be vunny. Und zhe vunny zhing iz zhat he iz vunny. Juzt nicht vunny in zhe "har, har" zenze.

Herr Stainz you hav nozhink to komplain about. You kan komplain about zhe veazher avter you hav lived zhrough zomezhing like zhis. Until zhen you schould shut deiner strudel hole!

Bah! Lizten to deinselbst. You are bleatink like ein flok of scheep und about nozhink of konzern. None of you hav einzhink elze to do ja?

ACH! Juzt vhen I finisch kleanink all zhe kozmoline from mein StG44. Herr Fieldmarschall zince zhe veaponz are klean und vready perhapz ve invade zhis Vouarezoediztan ja? Herr Fick iz ztandink by und vaitink for orderz! S!

Ja. Zhe ende of ein nozher year. Bik deal. I hav been in Paris lookink for Fifi and her friend Bridgitte. No luk zo I am goink down to zhe bar und tvry to dvrink zhem from mein memory. Happy new year.

Today let bygonez be bygonez und in zhat zpirit I zay Fröhliche Weihnachten!

Ah, nize fraulein Herr Stainz. Makez me mizz Fifi eben more.

Ja Herr Dumzter iz vedy oldt. Here iz zomezhing ein bit newver. Hav gute Kriztmas! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PGjSZzXYHQ

It iz Kriztmas eve und zhe jolly fat man haz been checkink hiz lizt to zee vho haz been naughty und vho haz been nize. If I had found Fifi I vould hav made it onto zhe naughty lizt. Zhe vedy, vedy naughty lizt. You know vhat I mean. Vink, Vink.

Vhat are you talkink about? I do know zhat zhe emozion ikon you pozted iz not nize. Zhen again you are not vedy nize to me zo vhat elze schould I ekzpekt?

Fog und vind. Zhe vinds kome from Herr Dumzter's dijeztive zyztem und zhe fog leakz from Herr Ztains's head. Bwahahahaha!

Hump day? Nicht vone of you oldt men vould know zhe firzt zhing about ein hump day. You vould be bezzer off kallink it limp day! Bwahahahaha!

Heil Merkel! Heil Merkel! Lonk live Angela!

Kristmas? Given zhe vay all of you hav behavedt zhis year you schould nicht ekzpekt einy vizits from Zanta Klause. Nein! Zhe bezt you kan hope for iz ein vizit by Krampus!

Schtikz und schtonez may break mein bonez but dein hatevul vordz vill nicht hurt me.

Zo today iz yet einozher day vhen zhe Amerikanerz zit on zheir arzzes, do nozhing, und eat until zhey are zo schtuffedt zhat zhey kan no lonker fazten zheir tvrouzers. Zhen zhey go out und schtandt in linez until zhe Valmart openz zhe doorz und zhey schtampede und fight over tcheap scheiss. Ja zhat iz tvruly zomezhing about vhich you schould be proud. How iz it zhat you ever von ein var or bekame ein vorld leader? Oh zhat iz vright! You are nicht vorld leaderz you are lazy arzzes vho buy all zhe krap zhat zhe vrezt of zhe vorld produzes! Entjoy dein day of gluttony und vrelisch in zhe knowledje zhat you hav bekome zhe laffink schtok of zhe vorld. Bwahahahahaha!

Zhis iz vhy I did nicht marry. I kan schtill ogle, chat up, und eben schtup einy fraulein I vish. Zhe only zhing zhat kould chandje zhat vould be zhe lovely und oh zo talentedt Fifi und her chezty bezty Bridgitte.

Ja kould hav been eye ztrain from oglink ze pretty fauleins und zhen VHAM! Mizzez Oldt Guy vhacks him on zhe bak of hiz schkull.

ACH! Zhat iz not nize! I tvry to be helpvul und zhis iz zhe zhanks I get ja? Vell zee if I tvry to be nize again! Tjermany vould hav nicht had zhe need to zurrender if ve had not been led by ein inept Auztrian. Und ve Tjermanz vill alvayz be bezzer zhan zhe Frenchiez! Ve kickedt zheir arzes tvize in zhe lazt zentury.