Herr Soren Fick
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Posts posted by Herr Soren Fick
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Ha! Zhat iz nozhink kompared to zhe konzentvratedt fire of vour zhirty millimeter kannonz in zhe Me-262.
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Scheisse!
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ACH! Zhis iz not gute. You hav angeredt zhe Emperor! Mein ekzperienze vhiz zhe Emperor vas zhat ein angry Emperor vas to be feared. Pardon me I need to pak mein zhings und get out of zhis kondemned kountry. Perhapz you schould konzider doink zhe zame ja?
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Und zhis iz vone of zhe vreazons vhy he vas never promoted beyond gefreiter. He iz not zhat gute of ein valet zo I zhink he may be bezzer az ein spottedt orc.
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No! No! Nein! NEIN! NEIN! ACH! I do nicht hav einy zutch problemz! I do nicht need einy elektroschok zherapy to kure einyzhing! You all schtay avay from me! Go schok gefreiter Vhiz. He needz zherapy. He vhizes hiz trouzers too zo maybe you kan vork on zhat ja? Und he criez in hiz zleep und I mean he zobs zo zhere iz zomezhing elze for you to vork on. I zhink he alzo preferz to vear zhe fraulein unter garmentz. Now zhat iz zomezhing he vreally needz help wizh zo give him zhe zherapy!
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Kvuiet down gefreiter! Do you zhink I am happy wizh mauve? But einough of zhat az I vant to know more about zhis Marie. Dezpite vhat Oldt Gay says about me I aktually hav no pervormanze problemz wizh zhe frauleins.
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And maken me ein -hic- ein nozher -hic- nozher -hic- nozher glazz -hic- of boobz -hic-.
Booze. -hic-
Dein haaaarsch vordz -hic- hurten me. -hic-
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ACH! Him -hic- Himm -hic- el! I am in ein gvreaaaaat mood. Ein bozzle of schhhhhhnapps down zhe hatch und ein nozher bozzle on zhe vready! How arrrrrre vou? Hic. Oh und I do nicht -hic- schooten zhe people in zhe bak. hic.
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Mein kompletely objektive und imparzial analyzis of zhis Ami propaganda fikzion.
“Company B is moving out in a few minutes. I'm sure Captain Spectre would like a couple scouts.”
“Ah . . . yes, sir. I imagine he would. Motorcycle couriers don't make good scouts. Sir.”
ACH! Zhat iz zhe differenze between zhe lazy Ami's und zhe zuperior Tjerman fightink man. Zhe zuperior Tjerman vould never tvry to get out of ein azzignment.
“No regular map.” Old Guy handed Donnie a folded scrap of paper. “I made a rough sketch of the area B Company is moving into. That'll have to do.”
Donnie turned the paper one way, then another. “Rough ain't the word. I can't read your writing. And these lines look kinda like the wrinkles on my grandma's face.”
Ve Tjermanz alvays had zhe bezt kartographerz. Veddy prezise und akkurate mapz.
“Sounded like he doesn't share y'all's opinion of what's serious,” observed Gunny. He grinned. “For what it's worth, he don't like me neither. His Exec was killed in a traffic accident last week and I was sorta sent over as a temporary replacement and for what the Corps calls inter-service training.”
HA! Zent over az punischment vor inkompetenze iz more like it. Bwahahaha!
Old Guy shot the ammo carrier in the back of the neck. The assistant gunner turned and pulled his pistol. A bullet in the head stopped him. Old Guy stepped forward and shot the gunner twice, then put another round into each of the other men – just to make sure. He holstered the pistol, slung his rifle and grabbed the machine gun.
Ja zhat vould be zhe Ami vay. Schoot zhem in zhe bak.
For an eternity Donnie stood frozen, rifle pointed skyward. As the officer clawed at the flap on his holster the obvious response oozed into Donnie's brain. He swung his rifle toward the man and jerked the trigger.
Nothing happened. Now the officer had his pistol out and was thrusting it forward.
Herr Dumzter vas probably too buzy krappink hiz pantz to eben zhink about schootink.
Old Guy picked up the MG-42. “Sure. But only if we can have our Harley's back.” He cleared the weapon. “How much do you think some rear area puke would give for this thing?”
“It's kinda beat up.” Gunny studied the gun. “Does that make it worth more?”
“Of course. I figure I can get 150, maybe 200 dollars for it.”
“Lugers are more popular. I heard you can get up to 500 bucks for one in England.”
“I got a Luger, but I'm keeping it.” Old Guy looked thoughtful. “500 bucks? I'll have to start a collection. For my retirement.”
At leazt you vrekognize zhe zuperior enjineerink of zhe zuperior Tjerman veaponz!
Gunny laughed. “The only thing you'll have in retirement is a shovel and a furnace. Right beside me in one of the lower hells.”
Vinally zome truzh in all of zhis propaganda!
“Christ, Donnie, you've been in the Army long enough to know that ain't possible. There's always a moron who can't wait to inform his boss about . . . oh . . . about anything. Going to the latrine without pissing on his hands. Stuff like that.”
“Hell, I do that all the time. Well, most of the time.”
You did not hav to tell einy of uz zhat bit of invormazion. How you Ami's zay "T-M-I"?
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There is a bunker, Hair Dick, even though I have never been allowed to see it, much less allowed inside, I know it exists.
Ja. Zure Herr Ztains juzt like zhere iz ein Eazter Bunny, Zanta Klauze und ein Gvreat Pumpinkinen.
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Herr Vhizinpantz you vere not invitedt to mein bunker. I am invitink zhe frauleins und you schould probably take dein chanzes mit dein "buddiez" in Zan Franzisko ja?
Herr Ztains you schould not pozt pikturez of dein own schelter und try to pazz it off az mein. But zhat pikture of dein selbst schould help zkare off zhe intruderz.
Herr Dumzter you hav alvayz talked about zhis legendary Babe Bunker but never iz zhere proof of itz ekziztanze. Perhapz you are deluzional und need to be on medikazions ja?
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Zomehow I alvays knew zhat Vhizinpantz vas not interezted in zhe frauleins!
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Vizh all zhe zocial unvrezt und now zhe zhreat of zhe Ebola I am preparink to evakuate to ein zurvival schelter. I am kallink out to Fifi und her little friend Bridgitte az I hav vroom vor tvo guezts und I kould not zhink of einyvone elze I vould vant to hav vizh me unter zheze zirkumztanzes.
To get zhere I hav obtained tranzportazion zhat vill vork unter all kondizions. It iz also kvuit nizely armed und armored zho zhere vill not be einy problemz vizh beink attakted. I kall zhis vunder tranzport zhe Zweckgesellschaft gepanzerte mehrzweck-kettenfahrzeug. Vor eaze of kommunikazion you kan kall it zhe getten avay fazt vagen.
Zhe zpace iz ein little tight but I know Fifi und Bridgitte like zhings zhat are ein little tight. ;-)
Zhis iz ein gute ekzample of zhe inzide of zhe schelter. Ve vill be kvuite zafe here.
Iz nize ja? Und plenty of vroom for livink und perhapz ein little zomezhing zomezhing too ja?
Ve do not know but ve might hav to vrepopulate zhe vorld und zhis vould be ein gute plaze to schtart zhe new vraze ja?Zo you let me know vhere und vhen I schould pik you up ja?
Zhe vrezt of you kan entjoy zhe plaguez und violenze zhat vill be zhe ende of you!
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Gute newz for Lottie. Now she kan move avround und find you und beat you vizh her kane ja?
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Zhe tvo in zhe schtagnanthound vere zhe vone known az Artchie und you Herr Vhizinpantz. Und zhe schmell vas vorze zhan zhose Frenchie zigarettes. Ja! It zmelled more like zhat pizz zhat zhe Ami's kall beer. Bwahahaha!
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Vas zhe hell? I am pretty zure zhat Herr Ztains haz inzulted me. I Googledt zhe term penzil neckt geek und I kan azzure you zhat I am not ein penzil neckt geek. Zhat vas not nize.
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Danke Oldt Guy for dein inzight on zhe mean attitudez displayed. Und it zounds like Herr Ztains iz havink ein chanje of heart ja? I never zhought of it zhat vay but maybe you all do like me. It iz zo nize to be liked. Danke!
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Zhose are not vedy nize zhings to zay. Und vhy do you kontinue to get mein name vrong. It iz zo eazy. F-I-C-K. I am ein nize guy zo vhy do zhe tvo of you pik on me?
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Lottie's surgery went fine. We're home and she has had some lunch and is taking a snooze.
Zo gute to hear zhat her voot zurdjery vent vell. Now she kan kik dien arse vizh vull vorze!
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Won't be around here early tomorrow, as Lottie has another foot surgery. Have to be at the hospital by 5:30AM. I'll post the usual stuff if and when I can. Maybe even some today.
Zo she iz havink her voot zurdjikally vremoved from dein arse ja?
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Accident? Since when has an episode involving a blonde bimbo, two quarts of olive oil, a plastic sheet, and a husband with a shotgun been called an "accident" ??
Oh. Sorry. That wasn't you.
Never mind.
Get better soon.
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ACH! Ja, I vremember zhat night but even zhough I almozt got schot she vas vorzh zhe vrisk.
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We know your surgery made you a woman Frick. You have to squat to pee now. So why are you asking for Fifi? She's not a lesbian! Oh, maybe it's your time of the month? Hormones all screwed up?
ACH! Schtiks und schtonez Herr Dumbzter! You are jealouz bekauze you are not half zhe man zhat I am.
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Not zhe zort of problem I have, ezpeschially avter mein lazt vrekonztruktive zurgery.
Oh, Fifi! Vhere are you? I hav ein bik zurprize for you. -
Howdy Baltar! Good to see you back again! Since you've been gone for so long, it's way past time for you to buy a round of drinks for us guys at the Green Vinyl Lounge! No cash? No problem! The Forum Fuhrer can start you a running tab!
Huzzah! I vould like to put in mein order for vone brandy, vone schnapps, und vone beer! Havink Baltar vreturn iz goink to be gute for uz ja?
Ve do not know but ve might hav to vrepopulate zhe vorld und zhis vould be ein gute plaze to schtart zhe new vraze ja?
The time has come.
in Ready Room
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ACH! Herr Stainz zhat iz unkalled vor! For dein invormazion I do have nutz und zhey are bikker zhan yourz! I am zurprized at how you are all villink to zhrow me to zhe wolvez avter all I hav done vor you.