Herr Soren Fick

ACH! Nein! I mean no! Ve kannot allow zhat to happen. I do not vant to be schtuk on zhe zame half az Herr Stainz or Herr Rotobagel.

Ja, she haz been featchuredt before. Ve muzt forgiv Herr Stainz az he iz gettink oldt. Much like Vhizinpantzkid he iz bekommink forgetful in hiz oldt age ja? By zhe vay she vas ein gute Foch if you get mein dvrift. Vink, vink, nod, nod.

Zhat zounds qvuit gute Herr CobraJ. Zo vhat iz everbody elze doink zhis veekende? Einyzhing ekzitink?

Zhis Rotatika zeems about az uzeful as teatz on ein vild boar und zhat iz az uzeful az havink Dark Helmet az dein vingman vhen hittink up zhe night clubz.

ACH! Zhis iz likely zhe vork of zhat dazterdly Emperor und hiz minionz.

ACH! Zhe Fieldmarschall vants ein tranzfer to zhe Ost front? Zhat iz krazy talk! Paris iz much bezzer truzt me.

Herr Dumzter iz vivty-vive? ACH! How kan vone live zhat lonk on zhat Taco Bell scheiss he eatz? Vell, gluckliche geburtstag!

Yawn! Borink, borink, borink. Two dayz of poztink about dein vife's komputer. Zhis ist more borink zhan ein speech by zhe Emperor. Inztead of vasting time vhy don't you go back to vork und zupport mein new lifeztyle? Mein EBT kard needs more money!

Zlakers! You should go to vork und zupport me! Ich... ach! Schkrew it! Ich have vrezeived zhis zhing kalled zhe EBT kard. Vhizh zhis Ich kan purchaze mein food zupplies, but zo far it zeems zhat beer und schnapps iz not akzeptable purchase. I vill have to kome up mit ein vay to obtain schpirits az Ich vill zoon be having ein party at mein new qvarters. Ja! I have moved into ein gute plaze. It iz schmall, but zhere are zo few neighborz zhat I zhink I kan make ein hole in zhe vall und double zhe zize of mein livink zpaze. Eben bezzer iz zhe fakt zhat zhe vrent iz almozt nozhink! Zhis iz much bezzer zhan zhe barrakz zhat zhe kreepy oldt Emperor forzed us to live in. Ach! Zhey turned out to be zome bad dayz ja? No more of zhat for me! Und zhere zeem to be ein gute number of available frauleinz avround here zo zhis lookz promizink ja? Zhey are everyvhere avround here! Zhey juzt ztand avround, vaitink for me to kome along und pik zhem up. It iz goink to be zo eazy to hav gute partiez ja? America iz zutch ein gute plaze to be! Now be gute Amis und vork hard to zupport mein new lifeztyle.

Zo zhat iz vhat happened to zhat tranzport! I vonder if zhe kask of brandy I ordered iz schtill onboard?

Ja! Off to vork vizh all of you! Ich . ach! I am not ein zitizen of zhe U.S. but I am here. Zince Ich... I... can nicht find ein tjob I have found zhat I kan live komfortably on deiner velfare zyztem. Zo get to vork und zupport me! Zhis iz much bezzer zhan vorking for zhat dekrepit oldt Emperor. Bwahahaha!

:rofl: I have zeen Itchie eat und zeveral timez I zhink he vas eating deep fried dumping wizh krap meat!

ACH! Vhat ein arsevhipe zhis Rotatagator... Totatamator... Tottengator... peazenik tree hugger iz! If it vas not for coal, steel vould not exist. You Ami's... I often vonder juzt how you managed to vin vars mit great zhinkers such as you. Perhapz it vas just schtupid luck?

Stainz you dumkopf! He meanz zhe zign vould vread "Diana lunt" und zhat iz redikulouz ja?

Herr Vhizinpantz, zhat krate vas schot down by ein zuperior Tjerman pilot in 1940. Zhat vas zhe year you Limeyz vere asked to leave zhe kontinent of Europe. It vas nicht until 1944 zhat you vere again allowed to zet foot on zhe kontinent. Perhaps Herr Vhizinpantz needs new glasses or perhaps he juzt looks at zhe piktures ja? By zhe vay, zhose gigant roundelz made ekzellent aiming points.

Blah blah blah. Alvays komplainink about zhe veazher. Zhis iz vone zhing in vhich zhe Emperor vas korrect, you zpend too much time komplainink about zhe veazher. You zhink it is kold? Go to Lapland in zhe vinter zhen tell us about zhe kold. Now be happy vizh vhat you have und enjoy zhe day!

Be veddy kareful Herr Donzter. Zhe Emperor uzed ein zimilar teknique to tezt biolodjikal veaponz. Ich ACH! I had vrekruited ein troupe of monkeyz vhitch I trained to be azsault machine gunnerz. Zhe Emperor introduzed ein viruz or bakteria into zhe troupe zhat gave zhem unkontrollable inteztinal gaz propelled scheiss. It vas ein horrible mess und ve had to burn zhe barrakz vrazher zhan try to kleen up zhe mess. Zhe odor vas zo bad zhat it made Itchie-san turn green, zhen pale zhen he began zhe projektile vomittink. Zhat iz ein bad odor vhen it makez zomevone who eatz rotted fish ill.

ACH! Ich ACH! I saw zhe title of zhis zhread und vas zhinkink zhat it vould be vreminizink about zhe life ekzperienzes und konquests unter zhe sheetz. But nein! It iz nozhink but talk of computer gamez und zimumlazions. Evidently none of you have real livez! Bwahahahahaaaa!

Vas iz zhis? Herr Ztains did not pozt hiz schtupidt veazher vreport? Zurely ein zign zhat hell haz frozen ja? It iz veddy kold und not zhe zort of veazher I vould hav liked for zhe Fat Tuezday zelebrazion. Ja! It iz Fat Tuezday but it iz only 2C und vrain iz fazt approachink. Perhapz Ich ACH! Perhapz I ztay inzide zhe hotel und zelebrate here ja? Ah! Und maybe zhe lovely Fifi vould like to tjoin me ja? Und she kan bring her charmink friend Bridgitte az vell. Zhere iz plenty of food, drink, und fun for all! Ich... ACH! I avait dein kall.

ACH! Komplainink about zhe veazher again I zee. Danke for zhe hour by hour updates Herr schnoodle noodle. Vhy do you not go und get ein tjob inztead of playink veazherman? Perhapz you are too much of ein dummkopf ja? Zpeakink of tjobs. Now zhat I am no lonker employed by zhe New Vorld Order I am lookink for ein new tjob. Mein zkillz inklude zupervizor, manadjer, ztratedjizt, und I am ztill qvite zhe ladiez man. Let me know if einy of you wichsers have einy leadz az I do not zhink zhe New Vorld Order iz goink to help me find ein tjob. Hav gute day!

Bwahahahaaaaa! Zhat iz gute! Dumztar zeemz to be ein appropriate name for Herr Donzter. Entjoy shovelink zhe znow! Bwahahaha!

ACH! You do not vant to go to Cairo! At leazt not zhe vone in zhe ztate known az Illinoiz. Ich ACH! I vent zhere by akzident und it iz vhere dumpz dump. I zhink Ztanz haz inzultedt you vizh hiz offer.

Zo ve are talkink about ztink bugz ja? Muzt be ein zlow newz day.

Nein! Zhis iz nicht ekzellent! Ich... I am beink mizcazt. I am not ein panzy, ein zizzy, ein coward, ein "poofter"! Und I am great wizh zhe frauleins! Zhey love me or at leazt zhey did before zhat whole new vorld order scheiss. Ich... ach!... I demand ein revrite!

Vait, vait, vait! Ich... ach! I am beink mizportrayed again. Ja, it iz true zhat Ic... I am ein znappy drezzer. But I am not einy zort of coward. Bravery runz in mein family und I am not zhe ekzepzion. Now zhere are zome times vhen bravery muzt be tempered wizh gute zhinking. Vonce in ein vhile it iz bezzer to make ein tactical retreat, eh... ztraighten zhe linez az it vere. But zhat should not be confused wizh cowardize ja?