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The Camel

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About The Camel

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  1. Holy... I made it through a whole story without getting blown up or defiled. It must be Christmas. Unless...just what was over that hill again? And since when did Donnie become my 'beloved'??! Blech. I say, blecccch. I still remember that episode where he tongue kissed me. And you know, he never called me afterwards.
  2. Hey what happened? I thought we were on a mission to...oh. Hello Death. YES. YOU DIED. So what happens now? WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN? Well, usually, I end up in a dark horrible place stinking of dead Donnies, for an eternity or two then this voice says DONT GO TOWARD THE LIGHT or something, which I always do, and then I wake up in a desert or on a deserted island with a bunch of desperados who love camels in entirely the wrong way. YES THATS PRETTY MUCH WHAT I HAD PLANNED. No 40 dromedarian virgins? ARE YOU MUSLIM? No...yes! Yes Allah be praised and pass the halal beer. I AM Muslim. So I get the virgins right? HERE IS YOUR TICKET TO JAHANAM. THERE ARE MANY NAUGHTY VIRGINS THERE. Naughty? TRULY WICKED. Thankyou. Wow. I never actually got the virgins before. What a nice..disembodied..voice...Death turned out to be for once. Now let's see, Google maps, Jahanam...it's... . . . Hell. Typical. Oh, hello. It's Stans, Gunny, Stag, Jay and Joker! Hi guys! Who chewed your faces off?
  3. Wait. Seriously? I didn't even get close to the underground Iranian bomb making facility? Oh. Hang on a minute, here it comes. 'Hey, what's that bright light coming toward me in the darkness? I feel mysteriously drawn toward it.' No no camel do not go toward the light! Yes. I think I shall go toward the lght. Wait, is that a bedouin tent I see? And...and..i hear giggling...
  4. "Ok, Ok, I'll get in the fecking boat," the Camel mumbles. On board a grinning arab lurches toward him ... ...he's carrying six sticks of gelignite, and a jar of petroleum jelly. The Camel eyes him wearily. "I just knew it was going to be THAT sort of mission." As the Arab goes through Usual Procedure, the Camel thinks to himself...Fine, OK, now I am on the boat. The boat can get us to Wadi Siham. There is a plane meeting us in Syria, but how the heck do I find the leader of Al Kiddy in the Arab Peninsula, trick him into giving me the keys (I assume that is metaphorical by the way) to the Iranian nuclear base, then how do I get from Wadi Siham in Yemen, through the desert to this secret under the mountain nuclear facility in Qom, steal the bomb and then get to Syria?? He winces, and whistles quietly to himself, wondering...
  5. The scene: Arabian Peninsula, 2012, somewhere near Al Hudaydah in Yemen. A lone camel stands near the shore. "No, I am not getting in that freakin boat. It's a wreck. Look at it!" From behind a small shrub, a voice urges, "Zu Feigling Camel, it ist ze best I could find. Zis is an important mission, and only you can carry it out!" "Oh yeah," sez the Camel, "Get on the boat, Sail up the river to Wadi Siham. Find the commander of Al Kiddy in the Arab Peninsula and persuade him to sneak us into the top secret Iranian Nuclear Bomb Factory deep under a freakin great mountain in Iran, right?" "Ja, ja! Und vi vil steal ze bomb and use it for personal...er...peezful purposes." "Uh huh. Nope." (to be continued. and not just by me...)
  6. Problem solved. I got The Rat to bite them off...
  7. Thoughts with you, good luck
  8. Thanks for all the heartfelt (not) concern. I found out you can actually get them lasered. Where I will find a laser doc out here in the Kalahari I'm not sure, but maybe if I get a bit of bottle glass and sit it in the sun just right, I can burn those buggers right off! OK, here goes...
  9. No helpful tips. Sigh, as usual The Camel is on his own. Guess I could just find a sandstone wall and grind them off. Should be fun.
  10. I admit I have not been eating a lot of fibre lately. OK, any fibre. Here in the Levant it is pretty much all milk and honey, heavy on the honey, if you know what I mean? So the other day I backed up against a nice warm tree to have a bum scratch and owwwwwwwwww. Something that should have been inside my bottom, was outside my bottom! How you I get them back in again? Dags I mean. Do humans get dags? I'm not going to show you a picture of my personal dags, so I just chose a picture of some random sheep dags in case you have no idea what I am talking about. These muthers are ugerly. I tried date oil, but that didn't help. TC
  11. Galaxies, Blackberries, Apples... This says it all... http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/clips/p00ctlvg/the_one_ronnie_clips_blackberry_sketch/
  12. Waddafarg is a tablet? One of those little blue beauties you use when you wid da lady camels? Not for me either, but I can understand why some of you guys would want them.
  13. Like anyone cares. 12 months held prisoner by Assyrian rebels in Hummos, hauling truck mounted 20mm guns around in trucks with no engines and they finally call a ceasefire and how do they celebrate? "Hey, Party everyone, let's eat the camel!" But I made it across the border to Lebanon where the women are mi-ty fine, I can tell you. Paris of the Middle East indeed. Here's a photo I took just after I arrived. That's me in the foreground! As they say over here: Mart El Sekkaf Hafyeh Wa Mart El Khayyat Eryaneh ( The Wife Of the Cobbler IS Barefoot And The Wife Of The Tailor Is Naked.) And this is a town full of cobblers and tailors! SO what's been happening? I'd trawl through all the threads except, I could be farked. I have dates to eat, and dates to keep, if u know wot I mean, wink wink.
  14. If that is your logic Ratface, then you should also be using insulin! I suggest large quantities, intravenous Drug Maker Matches Apple for Stock Gains Novo Nordisk of Denmark may gain strength from fighting diabetes. An overlay of Novo Nordisk and Apple stock-price performance over the last 11 years is striking for the similarities. In this week's Food for Thought we compare the earnings-per-share performance over the same time frame and look at price/earnings valuations for the two companies. Apple (ticker: AAPL) and Novo Nordisk (NVO) will both grow EPS midteens to 2014. For Novo Nordisk Credit ...
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