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Dark Helmet

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About Dark Helmet

  • Rank
    Lord Dark Helmet

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  • Location
    Planet Spaceball
  1. Dark Helmet

    Saturday

    Consider it down your excellency! The moron Donster will feel the wind blow up his skirt and freeze both of his little friends.
  2. Dark Helmet

    Friday

    Jawhol Mein Fuhuer! I have turned up the weather machine. The one called Dude and that moron Donnie are either diving into a deep freeze or dealing with ice and snow! Soon they will be on their knees like a rat eating cheese, acknowledging you superiority and leadership, in exchange for better weather and driving conditions. But let us keep them in the freeze as long as possible, since you own the electric companies and natural gas companies, including propane. Sound like a plan you excellency?
  3. Dark Helmet

    Tuesday

    No problemo Your Lordship! The Orange One will soon be going down in flames faster than Itchie Crotchie's Mitsubishi Zero!
  4. Dark Helmet

    Thursday

    First, the 'playing with dolls' accusation is totally untrue. As for Donnie and cold weather, I have done you one better...I have made sure Donnie's wife will be home this coming Saturday. Some of the things he has done while she was gone has been captured on video and audio. He will be a dead man walking by late Saturday afternoon oh great and wise Emperor! He will be sweating blood after reading what I have done. Soon the "Babe Bunkerâ„¢" will belong to ours...a I mean yours oh great Emperor!!!
  5. Dark Helmet

    Saturday

    First, let's clear up the misconception that I own or even play with dolls. I did that scene on Spaceballs for Mel Brooks. And the money. I got paid an extra $1million to perform in that scene. My great acting ability showed doing that Oscar winning scene. Here, take a look and see for yourselves... My Fearless Leader. I have been watching the one known as Donster. He is one sick bastard. Especially perverted now that his wife is out of town. I have enough photos of some of the sick wackos that have been coming and leaving his house to destroy him and his days posting here on CSIM. He will have to go into hiding from the local authorities once the photos are published, after you give the order to do so. Hail Great Emperor!
  6. Dark Helmet

    Tuesday

    Uh...sorry oh great Emperor of all that is Evil and soon all of the Universe! My helmet has been malfunctioning lately by fouling up the optics. Some kind of software issue. Our tech department is working on it. The only step down you have to make is the stairs leading down to your secret bunker! You are the leader of us all and we are all happy to be working for you, destroying the one called "Donnie the Clump". I just have to make sure I don't mix up the idiot Donnie of CSIM and the orange one in Washington. Both are about as bright as a burned out star system. And interchangeable. As for me drinking, I only drink coffee from the Mr. Coffee machine on Spaceball One.
  7. Dark Helmet

    Tuesday

    Yes my fearless leader! This taking down of Trump and Pence is so easy even Achmed could do it. I have Trump by the neck, and am slowly tightening the rope around his neck. Doing this slowly, and having the American Pro-Emperor media in our pocket, will guarantee that Elizabeth Warren, one of your students, will win the 2020 election. Hillary has failed us to often, and will not enter the race. We will sweep and control the House and Senate. America will soon be yours to do what ever you wish. Lord Soros has been a great help for us. He needs to be promoted to provisional Governor of the eastern quadrant of the U.S., from Maine to Florida. The Americans have become so complacent, addicted to street drugs your cartel leaders are flooding the country with, and with America's youth so filled with anxiety at the very sight of their own shadows, needing "safe places" to try and cope, America will not even put up a fight.
  8. Yes my Lordship! The arrangements have been made. I even upgraded his airline seat from cattle class to first class on Lufthansa Airlines. He is staying at the Hotel Adlon Kempinski in Berlin, with an executive suite, and a chauffeured limousine. He has free purchasing privileges' using Achmed's Saudi Arabian Express credit card (Don't leave the desert without it). Not to mention a large sum of Euros for him to use at some of his favorite "strip clubs". 😉
  9. Dark Helmet

    Friday

    Fick, You can come back to "The New World Order™". Your talents are being wasted working for a fake American Führer. The Emperor is the true Führer of the universe. He may have a few wrinkles, but at least he isn't orange. You will have to start over at the bottom level of employment. Scrubbing out the sewage storage tank on our Starship Spaceball One. After a few months of good behavior and a job well done, you can be promoted to be an assistant for President Skroob of Planet Spaceball. Especially since you are used to working for an incompetent President on earth. Then advance to Lead Assistant to Governor Soros on Planet Sphincter.
  10. The Emperor is not dead! How...wonderful! The boss and I can negotiate with the major beer companies of Earth for intergalactic advertising space, now available on Spaceball One! This thread could become highly profitable for The New World Order. What do you think boss? We could hire the Old one, have him write up some non-fiction pieces about our...I mean your adventures, and sell them to the earth morons, brainwashing them towards the Dark Side and The New World Order! That's it! Eureka! Pretty brilliant plan if I say so myself.
  11. The moronic Japanese! Their experiment to try and destroy an asteroid is very amusing! They couldn't remove a hemorrhoid much less an asteroid! I will report this to The Emperor at once! And the orange president Trump and his so called "Space Force"! LMAO! He can't even stop a Chinese from breaching security into his Mar-a-Lago Club with fake passports and a thumb drive with malware. And we won't even bring up the Russians and the American elections. Any further attempts by the Japanese to send probes into space (or Fick) will result in Tokyo's obliteration by Spaceball 1!
  12. Damn straight oh evil one! Their government is shut down. Soon the millions on food stamps will no longer receive them. Their will be rioting in the streets. No income tax returns will be processed, so no one will get their much needed refunds. Grocers will feel the loss of no food stamp purchases. Big ticket items like cars, appliances sales will drop off, causing financial strain on businesses. They will have to lay off employees. Citizens who are laid off, especially government employees will loose their homes, apartments and cars due to non payment. The American economy will screech to a halt. Anarchy will prevail. Then we can step in and take complete control of the country!
  13. Dark Helmet

    Wednesday

    Herr Dumpster is a House Frau eh? Figures. I've always thought he was the powder puff type. Dominated by women (even the inflatable ones). Dumpster, maybe you and Herr Booger Flick can share Strudel and Schnitzel recipes.
  14. Dark Helmet

    Tuesday

    Hello CSIM morons! To celebrate the new beginning of the Emperor's New World Order that starts on this coming Tuesday in the USA after the NWO Blue Wave that will sweep across the country, and will be followed around the world, here is a little joke for you amateurs... An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a muscular guy. Then the alien pushes his finger into the guys shoulder and says: bloop, bloop, bloop! The guy looks at him and says," If you do that again I will cut your head off with this here knife!" The alien just did it again and said bloop, bloop, bloop! In anger the guy cuts off the guys head. Immediately another one grows back. Then the alien pushes his finger into the guy's shoulder and says: bloop, bloop, bloop! The guy says if you do that again I will cut off your dick! The alien did it again so in his anger the guy pulls down the aliens pants and is shocked to see that there is no dick! In his astonishment he asks," If you don't have a dick then how do you have sex?" The alien pushes his finger into the guys shoulder and says," bloop, bloop, bloop!"
  15. Dark Helmet

    Thursday

    I don't know the meaning of the word "failure". Assange failed us. I subcontracted his WikiLeaks team to take care of the minor task of hacking though the 6th grade educated Donnie's attempt at setting up his security system. I should have subcontracted Putin's Hacking Squad to perform the task. No matter. It soon will be completed. We will have the names of all the babes in the Bunker, and the access to the Bunker itself. Then let the fun begin! As for the sick, perverted dancing image of Herr Fick, that was very disturbing, but has been cleaned off the NWO's computer systems. I myself wonder how sicko Donnie was able to procure this sick video. Sounds to me like Fick and Donnie are an item? Hail to The Emperor! Hail to the NWO!!!
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