Edwin Rommel
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Posts posted by Edwin Rommel
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Ode to Stanz
Ich vhil rather have schnow zhan freezink rain
Freezink rain, freezink rain
Zhiz givez me zhuch ein pain
Although ich know ich komplain
In vhane
Unt it iz difficult to remain zhane
Ich vhill rather have schnow zhan freezink rain
Schnow is zho vhite
Zho bright
Und after a vhile zho shite
Al Gore zhayz it about to bekomme night
If vhe do not put up zhe fight
Klowbal vharmink mein arsch
Zhe kold iz turnink zhat to ein farze
Und mein patientz bearz zhe skarz
Uf mein fruztrazion turnink to konztanzt vharz…
Ich rather have schnow zhan freezink rain
Freezink rain
Ach—to haf zhe blindik zhun unt heat
Like Rommel haz on hiz beat
Fallink into zhe pool iz a treat
Und ize iz zhomezhink you put in your drink zho zhweet
Ich vhil rather have schnow zhan freezink rain
Freezink rain, freezink rain
Zhiz givez me zhuch ein pain
Although ich know ich komplain
In vhane
Unt it iz difficult to remain zhane
Ich vhill rather have schnow zhan freezink rain
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Rommel watches in amazement as the blue sky turns dark and hazy and nearly black… It grows light again, but this time it is small lights in a field of darkness….
“Himmel—Shultz??”
Shultz has his eyes tightly shut…
“Vhot”
“Shultz--- ich think vhe are in schpaze…”
“Oooohhhhh Scheissssss”
Rommel takes the Rozzeta Translator from Shultz and starts looking around the cockpit…
“Hmmmm—zhiz zhayz …… Light Speed Meter….. und zhiz zhays ….. Boozt Schtage zheperator…. Und zhiz zhayz …… Lizarian target drone model VIII ….. Unt zhzi zhayz …. Nimmer Prezz zhiz button… Fazinating!”
Shultz slowly opens one, looks at the darkness and millions of small lights and then closes his eyes again… after a while he sneeks another peek--- did you zhay “Target Drone”???”
“Yez—it zhayz zho right here—on zhiz little plaque riveted to zhe instrument panel…”
“Scheiss”
“噢-大問題-我認為我們很快將死”
“Vhot did he zhay?”
“Errrr—zhomezhink like--- “Oh - major problem - I thought we vely quick will die”—here look for yourself….The Rozzeta Tranzlator "
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“Hmmmm—it iz going to be diffikultz but maybe vhe kan teach him zhum Germlish?? Let uz try---“
Shultz looks around---- he takes the fish-bowl helmet, points to it and says…
“Goldenez Fisch Bowlen--- Goldenez Fisch Bowlen….—now you…” Points at Itchee
“您想要有排便，并且不知道何處去？”
“Errr---- Goldenez Fisch Bowlen”
“洗手間下來在左面通過這個門!”
“Sheiss---“
“是您能做那!”
“Errr…”
Shultz looks around and finale sees a strange inscribed rock lying in the corner…
“Schtein--- rock—Schtein”
“您想要拉屎石頭？ ？”
Shultz turns the rock around, pondering…. Suddenly he notices something….. he understands some of the inscriptions!!! Looking at it carefully he sees…
“ROMMEL--- LOOKENZIE HERE!—zhiz rock iz inscribed in Germlish, vhot looks like ancient Chinese and what looks similar to the writing inside zhiz craft vhe are in!--- It zayz up top here--- Rozzeta Tranzlator””
“Errr--- lookenzhie out zhe vhindow!!!!”
“IEEEEEEEE NOW VHE ARE GOINK TO DIE FOR ZHURE!!!!”
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Rommel sees the puzzled look on Shultz’ face and since nothing seems to be about to explode or hit him over the head and the small man does not look very threatening- he decides to show that he is still alive.
“Ich think he iz tellink uz zhomezhing about food unt he iz kalled Iccy Blotchy or zhomevhot”
Shultz “?????”
Seeing that Shultz cannot hear him too well, Rommel twists off the fish bowl and repeats “ Ich zhaid- he iz tellink uz zhomezhing about food unt he iz kalled Iccy Blotchy or zhomevhot”
Seeing that Rommel seems quite comfortable without the bowl, Shultz follows suit…
“Vhot did you zhay? “
“He iz tellink uz zhomezhing about food unt he iz kalled Iccy Blotchy or zhomevhot”
“Ahhhh--- Sieg Heil Iccy Blotchy--- vhot you vhont”
“安培小時-您好看您不設法是魚! 我的名字是Itchee Crotchie不是Iccy斑點。 您講Germlish ？ 我不知道這種語言-，因此您是否想要一些這食物？ 有巨大的堆它在我做一些駱駝壽司的另一間屋子，大型有蓋湯鍋壽司，菠蘿壽司-和這裡幾其他種類-享用!”
“Vhot iz he zhayink?”
“Ich don’t know—maybe you schould schpeak slower and louder- it vhorkz fur zhe Tommiez??”
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Slowly trying to turn his head and trying to look around, Shultz sees they are in a cockpit-like area of some sort of machine. He does not recognize any of the instruments, but the steering wheel like structure in front of him looks familiar. The rest is just dials and twirling lights he does not recognize. Slowly his eyes turn towards the windows--- It looks quite normal, blue sky and a thin layer of alto-stratus clouds that seems to be approaching the craft rather quickly. Then his eyes moves upwards—and there among the lights and dials he notices a rearview mirror---
Through the flames and smoke he sees a rapidly dwindling little string of islands and a vast ocean--- definitely curving at the edges…..
“AAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE”
At this yell a door-like structure behind Shultz opens, and a small oriental man with very thick bottle-bottom-like glasses carrying a tray of unrecognizable eats and treats enters. Apart form the white apron he is in a sorry state—one half of one ear is torn off and he is bleeding form a myriad of small cuts and bruises. One eye is well on it’s way to be swollen shut and is ringed by a purple/blue/green bruise. A thin ready voice pipes up through the buckteeth.
“早晨好先生。 您是否叫？ 我是Itchee Crotchee，您的飛行管家自封。 我知道它是位及早在飛行，但您要不要任何東西吃？”
“Ach Himmel---- vhot zhe hell iz he zhaying--- und vhy iz he not wearing a fish-bowl hat?”
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Ja?? Vhy iz it zho kweit on zhe Vheztern Front--- all hidink frum zhe schnow unt zhe kold???
GETTEN UP YOU LAZY SCHWEIN!
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Shultz struggles to opens his eyes that feel like they are been pushed through the back of his head. With huge effort he turns his head slightly to the left where he sees the figure of Rommel strapped to a chair close to him. Rommel’s cheeks are pulled back and his chin is forced open at an almost impossible angle. Shultz can almost hear the silent scream from the fish bowl encased faced next to him…
“VHEEEEAAARRRREEEEGGGOOOIINNGGGTTOOODIIIIIEEE”
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The pair is pushed and pulled through the forest on a faded path. Finally they burst into a clearing. In front of them is an old temple. On the side is an ancient but modern looking door. A couple of old men are holding strange suits and what look like fish bowls. The group around Rommel and Shultz opens away a little. Shultz hears a soft “Sorry oh great navigator” behind him before stars explode in front of his eyes. Just before he looses his consciousness completely he sees Rommel plopping onto the ground next to him.
He is not aware that he and Rommel is carried into the temple, up a gleaming metallic looking stairway and strapped into reclining seats after been dressed in very ancient leather-like suits (strangely fitting them very well—even the very blessed Rommel
). The fish bowl like contraptions are fitted over their heads. They also do not see how the group of “assistants” leave the chamber. And finally—they do not see how a tattered figure sneaks through the entrance door just before it closes automatically with a soft hiss. A tattered Hachimaki slowly drifts to the ground.
Outside there is now furious activity. A crowd of men are dismantling the temple. As stones crash into the ground a very strange looking structure emerges bit by bit from the rubble. It looks like an oversized V2 rocket with strange symbols and script written all over it. It shows signs of heavy use, with several pockmarks on the skin and peeling covers and loosely flapping sections all over.
A cavity in the side is still open, and two men clad in priest-like garb are removing what looks like two small statues, some parchments and a two reeled tape player-like instrument. These are carried to a nearby smaller temple.
After several hours the activity stops—the craft are now standing freely supported on the tips of three huge fin-like structures. The priests oversees the stacking of timber under the tall craft and finally with much chanting and singing the timbers are set alight.
After a while the flames enter a huge opening at the bottom of the craft. Smoke seems to seep through the skin of the craft in several places. Finally something rumbles inside the craft.
The priests start screaming and pointing at the trees surrounding the clearing. All over natives are running for cover.
Finally a huge blue flame erupts from the bottom of the craft. The flame increase in intensity, blowing huge clods of earth, rubble and palm trees in all directions.
The craft shudders and starts to rise, deceivingly slowly at first but increasingly faster every millisecond.
With a final shuddering explosion its lifts itself up into the sky and tears heavenwards with a huge roar and column of smoke, carrying it’s three unwilling passengers with it.
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Yes, but didn't the secondary explosions occur on your side of the line?
Unt your point iz???
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Ohhhhhh-- Schiess!
Barrage-- vhot barrage??
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had zhum zhatifying sekondariez yezterday--- vhe vhill keep unzere chinz up bekauze uf zhat!
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Hi Ironword
Vhelkomme... Zhorry-- I am not two guut mit zhe English-- but vhill try mein beztez
(Just joking -- the language above is Germlish (German English) that I have to speak on this forum to maintain my image!)
IMHO the Flightsim packages (98- onwards and including FSX) have a mediocre flight characteristic modelling. You will feel the difference the moment you step into the office of an WW2 or modern jet fighter. Once you have powered up and try to taxi to the runway (especially with a tail-dragger - most WW2 fighters) you realise that you are handling a different beast. Most of us here started with European Air War (EAW) back in the late '90's and then migrated to the IL2 series. The EAW program had some excellent flight characteristic modelling and IMHO beats IL2 hands down- unfortunately it is no longer compatible with most XP machines and newer graphics cards.
So-- IL2--- well- you managed to get your plane onto the runway, have take-off clearance and open up the throttle-- and promptly end up on the grass/mud/snow on the side of the runway--- very different to FS98! The prop torgue on these single prop jobs keep you busy up till the time the tail lifts and then you often still have to keep the rudder all the way over to keep from running over the edges of the runway.
Well-- once up there you will be blown away by the responsiveness of most types and it is far easier to break out of the "safe flying" envelope that with any civilian craft. When you mastered the art of "bending" the flight envelope, aerial gunnery, deflection shooting, bombs and rockets lies in wait. It beats any civvie flightsim hands-down, except if you prefer to look at scenery and clouds.
The learning curve is steep-- but don't worry-- the crashes are not fatal!
I would go for the real Mccoy from the start--- FS98 just teaches you bad habits- as far as Longbow is concerned-- Helicopters-- Well-- they do not really fly do they-- those rotors just beat the air into submission... Give Jane's a try-- but for a real work-out it is difficult to beat a carrier -trap in a WW2 pony.
Flight basics are the same- there are just so much more in the military sims-- and you can learn to fly in an "friendly" environment first.
Phew-- Scheiss-- mein mutti vhould be proud--- all zhat ENGLISH in vhon pozt!
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“Himmel Rommel?- vhot are zhey doink?”
At the sight of the rising of the double moon and after consulting an ancient parchment, most of the Tiny Dongle tribe are now bowing and groveling around Rommel and Shultz (Except for a few agnostics--- but we will always have those won’t we?).
Shultz sees the parchment in the dust and picks it up…
“Himmel Herr Rommel--- lookenzhie--- here iz zhe double moon unt zhe great explodink eagle--- zhat must haf been zhe B36--- unt here are two figurez—one with a crown--- on zhiz island--- do you zhink?”
“Nein—how kan ich zhink--- ich am schtandink on zholid ground…”
“Herr Rommel--- do you zhink—zhuch az in uzink your thought prozezz, und not zhink az in drownink (dumkopf) zhat zheze people zhink you are zhiz king—or zhomevhot?”
Rommel takes the parchment—“Look here iz even zhe fallink Niponeze aircraft!--- he turns to Shultz, and for the first time notices that a piece of warped aluminum from the exploded B36 has lodged in Shultzez hair- looking somewhat like a twisted crown… Rommel takes his metal shaving mirror and holds it for Shultz to see… “Nein Shultzie—Ich zhink, zhuch az in uzink ein thought prozezz--- zhat you are zhe “king”—hahahaha – your majesty” --- mockingly Rommel bows to Shultz--- the crowd surrounding them jump up and scream with joy and starts jubilant dancing.
Distracted by the noise, Rommel drops the parchment. Shultz picks it up and turns it over, noticing some more writing on the back….
“ACH SCHEISS”—
Suddenly strong arms grab him and Rommel and starts pushing them towards the nearby jungle….
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Haf guut vhon!!
Have a blessed day!
Shultzie!
FEUER!!
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Ohh-- bukker-- zhiz iz gonna be fun!
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“Vhot zhe !@*$!%^#@!%@( happened???”
“Ik know not--- vhon moment we vhere sailink along peacefully, then there where sum sort uf explosion, a pile uf poop appered on the deck unt vhe kapzized”
“Ahhhh--- zhat iz vhy zhy kall it zhe poopdeck??”
“Ja unt now vhe have zhe Poopzide down adventure”
“Himmel—vhe kan film zhiz—bet it vhil run into three or four remakez!!”
“OK—now vhot?? Vhe floaten…. AAAAHHHRRRR…”
“Vhot iz vrong??”
“Ich think ich swallowed ein barnacle-- AAAHHHHRRRR….it vhont komme out…”
“Aktually—it zhoundz guut vhen you do zhat--- fierce…”
“Like zhiz AAAAAHHHRRRRR”
“JA!!—vhait—let me find ein barnacle too…”
“AAAAHHHHRRRRR”
“aaaaHHHHHRRRR”
“Hehehe!!”
“OK- back to vhork--- how do vhe get zhe poopdeck on zhe uppenzhide again…”
“Vhell Ich vhoz thinking—if vhe do keelhaulink in reverze, zhe zhailorz kan pull zhe topside from zhe bottomzhide to zhe topzhide..”
“Zhat zhound a bit too komplikated to me—it givez me ein headache to think zho much AAAAHHHRRRRR”
“Hehehe--- vhell let uz try it”
The thousands of sailors clinging to the bottomside all line up and get tied to long lines by the petty officers. At the command “HEELKAUL” they all jump into the water and are pulled underneath the capsized Yorktown. As they pass part of the superstructure and other handholds they grab and hang on—slowly the Yorktown turns hare (opposite of turns turtle?).
“AAAHHHHRRR—Vhe are back in business—have the crew dry the aircraft und find zhe monkey!- vhe have ein tjop to do!”
“AHHHRRRR”
“Zhoundz guut!”
“Zhat it doez—AHHHHR…grrr ulp urghh…”
“Vhot?”
“Ich think ich swallowed mein barnacle…”
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I brought a teddy bear for $10 last week
I named it Mohammed
I sold it for $15 this week
Do you think I have made a prophet?
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“Vhot zhe hell--- vhot iz happenink?”
The past hour natives of the island of Tiny Dongle have been creeping out of hiding places and holes in the ground. They have huddled around Rommel and Shultz and begged scraps of barbecued camel.
It was getting dark, but a brown haze still blotted the sky painted by the last rays of the setting sun. All of a sudden the crowd around Shultz and Rommel grow silent as one of the elders jumps up and points to the sky on the horizon. There in the early evening darkness the moon is rising----.
Rommel shakes his head then looks again…
“Shultzie--- zhiz kamel meat iz off….”
“Nein—Herr Feldmarschall--- ich zhee it az vhell--- zhere iz tvo--- tvo moonz”
Suddenly the hush among the natives turns into a murmur --- some heated discussions begin to take place. They point at Rommel and Shultz frequently. After a while one runs to the place where the temple used to be and comes back with an very old camel skin ( ) parchment. They unroll the parchment and after some fast reading in the fading light, one of the elders gives a loud wail and points at Rommel.
As one the whole crowd falls down and grovels before Rommel and Shultz---
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“Vhot now Gdfltz”
“Helmut de8r—not to fe8r- thi5 e5c8pe pod h85 8 recon5titution button a5 well- but with tho5e Lizz8ri8n b8st8td5 look5 the other way--- prop8bly looking for food for th8t whore queen of their5--- I h8ve 8n ide8—let u5 recon5titute to look like 8 moon--- nobody will notice u5 then”
“Guut idea—but do it kweitly!”
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Vhot vhere zhey cooking?
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Ich haf kompozed ein poem fur Mane...
Ach Mr Zhandman,
zhand me ein drive,
K'mon Mr. Zhandman juzt ein tiny drive-
Please Mr Zhandman zhand mein drive---
ich am krawlink on mein neez,
Mein Garage iz all in ein freeze,
ich am fallink on mein faze,
Ach Ich juzt hate zhiz bloody plaze--
Now ich am in zhuch pain
und zhe schnow haz turned to rain...
Pleaze Mr Zhandman---
kick zhat Rommel in zhe faze----
he iz livink in a much vharmer plaze!
). The fish bowl like contraptions are fitted over their heads. They also do not see how the group of “assistants” leave the chamber. 
A Sore Loser
in Ready Room
Posted
Errr- zhe tranzlazion iz totally vronk-- zhat iz NOT vhot zhe Feuhrer iz zhayink!!
Vhot he zhayink iz much lezz polite zhan zhat! 