Edwin Rommel

In a couple of dug-outs paddling between the islands of Buggarup and Didjabringdabeeralong in the Truk archipelago---- “Hey fella- we no cathee fishum dishere trip mekkum” “Das right man- sumfing chasum fish go away here reefs das time roun” “Mus be bloody fahrengi” “Das right man- bloody fahrengi” “Dem lookum mighty funny all das cloth dey wear” “Mus haf small dongles all dem” “Das right man- on bekaus dey hide dem all time” “Hahahahaha--- huh---Was dat?” “Was what?” “Dat dem noise mekkum?” “Don no? Sound noise grandpapa tell mekkum bik wave long time past make?” “Look dat!” “Huccken Fell! What dat thing?” The “airfield” ship bursts out behind the nearby island and tears down on the small dugouts “You went dat mission school dat one time man?” “Das right man, but das no time for dem reading now” “But dey make you learn prey?” “Das right man?” “You do dem prey thing and I will make dem bloody fast paddle man” To no avail- the small dugouts are swamped before the first “Our Fada…” can be uttered…

geraitikally challenged....

Zhat iz zhe ticket!

Stanz??? stanz?? STANZ!!! Verdamt-- zhomevhon--- help zhe poor baztard.....

Meanwhile in the sea off Truk…. The Dutch Navy submarine crawls to the surface…. As soon as the conning tower clears the surface the hatch flies open and the first officer and watchmen tumbles out- a thin wisp of very pungent air exits the submarine with them, forms a miniature mushroom cloud and audibly plops away in the humid air … “Doner man dit was een heel gek idee om kaas saam te bring—die plek ruik gans en al vrot!” (Phew! we should have never brought those cheese rations along) As the crew in the conning tower settles down one of the watchmen suddenly stiffens and brings up his telescope in a sweeping movement “Ag Hemel Lieutenant Ik ben heel gek of daardie dagga het te naby die kaas gelegd” (Sh*t Lieutenant- That marijuana must have been off, or were stored to close to the cheese) The Lieutenant swings around and focuses his glasses on the horizon where the watchman is pointing… “Agge nee dit kan dan gans en al niet waar west- een hele eiland is besig om op ons aft e storm” (It cannot be – we are been attacked by an island????) “F*ck” “Ja- dit kan je wel weer segt--- het jy nog een zol oor?”(Indeed—do you perhaps have a bit of marijuana left?) The watchman lights up, and after taking a puff hands the reefer to the officer. The lieutenant takes several deep draughts and then opens the voicepipe… “Kaptein- hier komt groot kak!” (Captain- we have a problem!) The traveling island is now quite close—close enough to see a livid looking German officer standing high on the front of the bow staring right past the puny little submarine at the far horizon. He is leaning forward as if spuring the ungainly craft on to even higher speed… “Luitenant?” “Ja Kaptein?” “Blaas nog so bietjie van die rook hier in die pyp af--- dit ruik heel gaaf” (Blow some more smoke down the voice pipe- it smells great”) Just before the bow wave of the island rolls the small submarine over, the lieutenant takes one more draught and looking at the picture of a nice lady he met briefly in Amsterdam as he prepares for a unplanned swim…..

Here Herr Heinie-- I licked it clean fur you.....

Karry on you polar bearz you...

In an RAAF Catlina patrolling near the Truk islands…. “Cor—stone me bloody crows Skipper--- what the tarnation is that?” “No idea Bluey mate--- let’s go have a decko…” “Well push my aunt Mollie slowly sideways through a sausage machine---- what the dickens is that?” Across the calm sea a very large, very flat boat-like thing is skipping through the waves at a speed close to 60 knots…. The most striking features are two tethered fighter aircraft running at close to full speed near the bow, the team of soldiers hanging on to sturdy ropes to keep the bow out of the water, and a huge German Kriegsmarine Flag flying from some palm trees at the stern of the structure…. Oh--- and the guys water-ski-ing behind the structure also seem quite strange…

“Ach--- NEIN!!! SHULTZ YOU DUMKOPF!!! ICH ZHAID ZHE MARIANAZ NOT ZHE MARSCHALLZ!!!!!” “Ich am zho very zhorry Herr Feldmarschall- all zheze little dotz uf land looken zhe zhame to me --- but at least vhe can juzt about make it if vhe schtay at 25000 ft unt throttle all zhe vhay back….” “VERDAMT!!!” “Here—Herr Feldmarschall—here ist even ein landing ground…. Hmmmm—it zhayz “Betio”--- here in zhe Tarawa atoll….” “Himmel--- zhe Nipponz lozt zhat a few monthz ago… it iz now in AMI handz…” “Hmmmmm---- it iz time vhe change into our AMI uniformz unt take on zhe new identities zhen….” After a while of struggling the crew is in their new uniforms--- nametags and all… The Pilot….. Major Shawn Thrift The Navigator…. Sergeant Rick Palumbo The Upper Gunner….. Sergeant Jay Abbot…. The Ventura drones on very slowly losing height ….. On the horizon a triangular group of islands are slowly becoming visible…. "Shultz???--- Errr Palumbo.... you haf ein funny name..." "Zho do you hmmmmffffff----- Major Thrift...."

Pah--- named after ein zizzy engine.... Vhy don't you change zhe name to Daimler-Benz oder zhomezhing more manly....

brrrrrr--ttt-bbrr--bbrr... "Merde!!! Zhe battery she is gone!!"

It iz zhooooo hot over here..... Enjoy your day.....

Vhellllllllll

A few hours later…. A Ju 86- Me 410 now modified to look like a Far –East command Ventura bomber and two FW-Thunderbolts now modified to look like long range P51-N’s are sitting at the end of the inflated runway in the shade of some plastic looking palm trees. Most of the submarine crew have joined the fun in the water and Rommel has just settled down into the pilot’s seat of the Ventura. Heinz and Shultz suddenly pops out of a nearby open hatch of the submarine and hurries across to the Ventura. “Errrr--- Herr Rommel, vhe think it iz good zhat vhe take off right avay….” “Vhy??—und vhy do you looken zho guilty??” “Errr--- vhell zhe Ventura iz a bit uf ein bitch to handle alone und vhe thought you could uze zhe help, unt company on zhe long pazifik krozzing…” “Hmmmm--- maybe you are right--- vhy do you schmell uf schmoke??” Settling into the flight engineer seat and upper turret the two latecomers now look distinctly worried… “Ich really thinken vhe taken uff und zhen vhe can talk…” “Ach Ok--- but your schtory better be guut…” Rommel guns the engines and swings the aircraft into line with the runway. With a final wave to the puzzled looking ground crew he pushes the throttles fully forward and kicking the rudders this way and that he finally lifts the Ventura into a slow climb in the humid air… he does not notice this thin wisp of smoke rising from the open hatch cover of the submarine becoming much more noticeable every second until full-scale flames roar out of the opening. The first time he notices that something is seriously wrong is when the submarine blows up behind the departing Ventura. A thunderclap follows that shakes the aircraft. “Ach Himmel…….. Heinz….Schultz? Zhiz better be good—do you know anyzhink about zhiz?” Below them most of the sailors are out of the water and are frantically hacking away at the ropes anchoring the sinking U-boat to the inflated island…. The U-boat Kaleun can be seen running after the departing Ventura making some very unfriendly signs…. “Errrr—vhoz nozzink really…” “Blowink up an U-boat vhoz nozzink?” “Errr--- vhell—vhe , Shultzie and me vhere a little bit bored unt vhe schtarted lighting fartz to pazz zhe time when…” “JA??????” “Vhell—vhe saw ein elektronik box lookink much like zhe Kontinuity Manager’z grandfazer in zhe paint locker…” “Ja??—Ach Himmel—ich bin not zhure ich vhont to hear zhiz…” “Vhell--- vhe decided to zhee vho could burn zhe paint offen zhe elektronik box mit zhe lighted fart… und vhon thing let to anozzer --- unt vhell—zhum uf zhe kanz uf paint caught fire…” “Ach Himmel--- you know zhat zhe Kaleun iz related to Goering....???” “Oooppzz... vhell-- vhe tried to kill zhe fire mit zhum kotton vhazte zhat vhoz nearby…” “Ja--- guut idea--- deprive zhe fire uf oxygen…” “Vhelll--- zhome body must have used zhe vhazte to kleen up zhum paint thinnerz…” “Ach Himmel…vhell-- not much vhe kan do now-- vhe haf only enough fuel to reach zhe Marianaz...……”

Zhat iz exactly vhy zhiz vaztly more klever zhan you human zhaid iz vhoz "plastic lookink treez" und NOT plaztik treez- you need zhum readink glazzez?-- Vhe haf zhum mit plastic lenzez--- und rubber vhoz definitely invented by WW2--- ozzervhize vhe vhould haf uzed vhooden tirez on zhe airkraftz.... und juzt imagine ein vhooden kondom... Stanz-- pizz on it again.....

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! Mane Raptor iz zhe mizzing link!!!!!

Brrrrrrrrrr---pop------rrrrrrrrrrrr Suddenly the radio crackles to interrupt Rommels thoughts. “ight komme in, zhiz ist Mozzer Hen….” Rommel pulls the throat mike closer “This is Chick einz, Mozzer Hen, vhe read you 5, please schwitchen on zhe homink beacon…” “Chick einz, Mozzer Hen --- bzzzzttt—click” A screen on the lower left panel in the cockpit of the JU86/ Me 410 begins to glow green, flickers a bit and then an arrow appears point to the right of the nose, and some figures begins to run down in the corner of the gauge. “Mozzer Hen, vhe have you- 75km out- beginning approach- out” “Click” The JU 86 waggles it’s wings and begins a sweeping turn to the right and starts loosing altitude. The two FW/Thunderbolts peel off to both sides and also starts loosing altitude, but slower than the JU. After a while, the JU’s undercarriage lowers in time with the flaps now extending from the trailing edge of the wings. On the horizon a shape becomes more distinct as the distance decreases. Finally, The Ju 86 now quite low and on final approach flaps the shape becomes clearer. It is a floating airfield adjacent to a huge U-boat. What really amazes Rommel is the detail….. on the one end of the runway are some plastic looking palm trees and a small group of bathers are sunbathing und splashing around in the water…..

Her light blue paint already peeling to show the dark North Atlantic gray underneath, U 464 slowly glides to the surface, the burbling of her snorkel exhausts changing to a steady throb as the huge diesels drives her to the surface. With a hiss of compressed the main conning tower hatches fly open and AA gun teams stream out to man the twin sets of Vierlings on the tower. They are closely followed by the first officer and watchmen and at a more leisurely pace by the Kaleun. The Kaleun lifts his one leg as his walks to his post and lets out a hearty fart after the hours spent in the confined space of the command deck of the U XIV Milchcow. After sweeping the horizon and sky for a while and checking with the watchmen, he gives the order for the main deck hatches to be opened. The petty officer on radar watch is cautioned to keep a sharp look-out for any sign of activity. Below, inflatable boats are readied and soon they set off in different directions – one to the fore of the U-boat and one aft. Between them they are pulling a huge, as yet unidentified rubber object that keeps on spilling from the open hatch as the boats widen the distance between them. From the other hatch seamen are rapidly piling some kind of wooden spars on the deck as a seemingly endless stream pours out of the dark hatch opening. On the conning tower a RDF antenna has risen in the meantime and is revolving slowly……….

Errr-- it means that I have to buy something else now??

Zhiz iz zhe day EVERYBODY lovez!!!!

HBD!!! Zhorry I mizzed it-- you zhaved me zhum cake or schtale beer?

See I am schtill errrr still on the roster somewhere... What version are we on now....? I have 4.04m loaded....

Ich kannot imagine vhot you vhere thinking..... :rofl: :rofl:

May I? May I??? Ach komme-on-- you zhaid Ich am allowed to kick zhe firzt vhon vhe catch... not fair... not fair....