Edwin Rommel

Flash forward (as opposed to Flash back) to the Nuremberg Trails – 1946 “So you took it apart” “Ja…” “Well----? Do you want to describe this to the court?” “Ja…” “Go ahead” “Vhell ich unzholdered all zhe reziztorz unt heatzinks” “Yes….” “Unt beat zhem into silicon molecules mit ein lead pipe in zhe library” “Yes…” “Zhen ich took zhe casing unt power supply unt shot it full uf holes in zhe kitchen” “Yes?” “ Ich took zhe circuitboardz und hanged zhem frum zhe ceilink in zhe study” “And were you done then?” “Nein—ich took zhe processor und sold it az scrappen on e-bay…” “To cover expenses?” “To cover expenses--- “ “Do you have witnesses that can attest to this….? “Ja, zhe Whites, unt Plumbs und Scarlets unt Mustardz und Greens und finally zhe Brownz…” “You did this out of rage? Frustration?” “Ich did it because it had to be done unt …..ich vhoz only followink orders…” “Followink orders?—I mean following orders?” “Ja—zhe defense attorney zhaid vhe must remember zhat line unt uze it zhomevhere in our defense” “In the case of in the free world against the Continuity Manager--- We find you not guilty!!”

Ach you piece uf vhire scheiss-- Mane Raptor und his rodent friend got out uf much vhorze zhituationz zhan a blowink up plane before. Go twiddle dien reziztorz or zhomevhot unt leaf zhiz schtory line to real authorz like Stanz und Fifi und even Ugo.... Ich haf it on good authority zhat zhe explozion juzt put Mane'z back out slighlty... Az fur decisdink zhat zhiz thread iz over-- vho died unt made you king??

Ach bullsheiss- Fifi allready tried this lame line... I haf a piece of the rudder to show it was Mane's B25J---- Go pull your vhire or zhomethink....

Errr--- --- az far az Ich know hiz proztate iz OK-- but in kaze not, maybe you do not vhant him behind you in ein kramped schpaze....

JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--- a full vheek of vharring zhe vheaklingz!!

Ich juzt luf zhe schmell uf schtale sweat in zhe mornink!

:rofl:

“ Ok--- Schtraight beatz tripz…. Hehehehehe--- vhiz meanz you hav to donate zhome pieze uf clothing or anythink uf value to zhe pot….” “Bugger—th8t i5 the 5eventh time in a row…” High, very high above the planet, on the dark side of the moon, Gdfltz and Helmut is now playing poker, because Helmut cannot play chess…. After the initial shock they managed to sort out most of their differences – they have determined that Gdfltz could be considered female on earth, and Helmut have actually determined that she is quite a nice, if somewhat dumb, alien. Sometimes, with the light in a certain way, her 14 eyes are quite charming, and if she holds her tentacles just so…. well…. meat is meat and a man must eat… Suddenly one of the light sources near the window starts flashing exitedly… “incoming me55age--- ju5t 8 moment….” Gdfltz briefly sticks a wet tentacle in Helmut’s ear and then slides over to the window….

Zhorry-- Vhizzerz-- you haf to explain-- ich did not underschtand your joke.....

Air tickets to here iz dirt cheap.... and Ich kan akkomodate you in zhe trenchez fur at leazt three monthz... Zho-- how 'bout it?

Donster!!

Terra Firma in this case been Terra Incognita ----------- A group of VERY angry Whatuti Sudanese Wariors awaits the decent of the black vulture, wondering why he has just decided to flatten their village, their crops, their cattle, their wives and children, but more than that, the new paramount chief that has been elected to bring peace to this area after 800 years of tribal war…. One of them is already twirling a fire stick furiously in a block of wood, while others are bringing an American flag to burn…… others still are sharpening their spears on a nearby rock and others still are salvaging their huge cooking pot from a nearby flattened hut....

Bootifull sunshine day!

Dieter Korf looks at the white puffs of anti-aircraft exploding behind him and lifts the Me 410 over the next line of trees before dropping into the next wheat field. This deep penetration raid is certainly more exiting than routine interceptions of the seemingly endless streams of 8th Air Force bombers. The strain of the low level north sea crossing and the ever increasing flack just adds to his enjoyment of the raid. He recognizes the church building marking the IP and pushes the throttle up a notch. The building seems to leap from the horizon to his canopy in the blink of an eye. Streaming condensation from the wingtips, the Me 410 changes course and settles onto the final run-in to Brownloaf base. Touching 600 km per hour the sheer thrill of adrenalin heightens his senses to a nearly super human level. He sees an old man tumbling from his bicycle in slow motion as the slipstream of the racing aircraft flattens the small bushes and grass under him. Suddenly the landscape clears and a small AA emplacement followed by a runway and some hangars fills the windscreen. Touching the rudder ever so slightly, the Me 410 lines up on the target sitting idle at the end of the runway. Runway cratering bombs tumble from the wing racks at the touch of Dieter's thumb. Dieter takes in the details in a moment. The heap of empty carton coffee cups, sweets wrappers and stogie ends litter the area around the parked B25J. “Give zhem all you got Hanz! Horrido!!!” The nose of the Me 410 erupts in flame as the combined 40mm cannon and 7.7mm machine guns belch a solid stream of lead at the parked aircraft. Dieter glimpses, as if in slow motion, how the undercarriage of aircraft collapses and a tire with a strange white mark on it flies through the air. Then the scene flashes past and he hears Hanz’s guns rattling above the noise of the screaming engines. The aircraft surges forward as the shockwave of the runway cratering bombs sweeps across the airfield. Belatedly a stream of flack rises towards the receding aircraft….. On the ground, the sessile B25J collapses onto the heap of rubbish that has been accumulating for the past 100 posts…..

Heinz can scarcely believe it when a B26 bursts through the thin clouds beneath him in a near vertical climb. The FW 190 A8 he has been test flying responds immediately to the throttle been yanked back to prevent a collision. The four cannon erupt in tongues of flame as the B26 fills the gun sight in full plane view and close to stalling speed. Heinz sees the shells exploding against the airframe in front of him and distinctly sees one of the B26’s engines falling out of it’s mounting. The tremendous kick from the cannon has Heinz in trouble now. Close to stalling he rolls the FW 190 over on it’s back and points the nose towards the ocean to gather airspeed. When he turns around to look where he expects the B26 to be, he sees a thick trail of smoke but no aircraft. Not having much fuel left, he turns towards Louis’s farm to land. “Hmmm—a definite maybe…. Ich vhill claim it anyvhay! “

Inside the Tiger 2 , Shultz opens some Buritos and as precaution, some of the ventilation openings as well. He tunes the radio until he hears a faint crackling on the frequency of the far-away FW's. "Allo, Allo, zheez is Shultzie imitateenk ein Frenchman to konfuze zhee puny little panzerz vhotcheenk me.... comme in pleeaze Rommeeel" BZZRRTTTT "Zhiz izt Rommel, zhend mezzage over" BZZZZZTTT "Ich haf put meinselbst in zhee panzer in zhee Gigant...." Shultz describes his predicament to Rommel.... "OK- guut-- zho you zhay zhe B26 iz on zhe vhay to zhe Pazifik on ein vhild goozez chasen... keep up mit zhe buritoz unt kebabz until zhe Frenchmen formz ein perimiter far enough frum you zhat vhill not allow zheir puny little gunz to penetrate dein panzer, vhait fur nightfall unt break back through zhe French linez unt komme to zhe landink schtrip-- by zhat time vhe vhill haf fininished zhe modifikazionz to zhe FW'z unt vhe vhill kontinue mit zhe plan... Ach sheiss-- here komme zhat damn dogz again--- Ich haf to go.... HEINZ!!!! HILFE!!!"

No schnow.... 18 low- 26C high... Sunshine.... Amerika'z vheather zhukz! but then again-- zhey are rezponzible fur zhe mozt uf global warmink!!

“Vedamtez fat baitch!!” Rommel pushes Heinz off him and stares after the receding Me 610. He looks around the landing area. At least Shultz had managed to unload the FW 190 A’s, most of the ammunition and fuel, as well as some odds and ends. The panzerz and Rommel’s Kubelwagen are still on the Me 610. “Shultz!!! Shultz??” After spending some ten minutes looking for Shultz, Rommel kicks the slowly reviving Heinz in the ribs- “Get uppen schwein—vhe haf work to do….” In the distance high-pitched squeaks can be heard--- slowly but sure making their way towards the two Germans… ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) In the back of the Gigant, Shultz slowly lifts the turret cover of the panzer and peers out--- Yes--- The Aircraft is definitely in the air… he sees a sleeping American in the cargo hold and a naked fat woman flying the aircraft--- she seems furious--- muttering to herself… Shultz jumps down and examines the American-- he quickly removes the roll of money peeking out of his pocket. Shultz--- quite wise to the ways of a woman knows that caution is the better part of valor with a woman in this mood, gets back into the panzer, lowers the turret lid and bolts it from the inside. He hunkers down in a corner, opens a packet of pretzels and switches on the radio….

even if zhey are ein dear.....

Two very lopsided inflatable Alsations ™ so covered with patches that they hardly resemble to ferocious killing machines they are. The one trails a useless leg knotted halfway up to prevent air escaping. The other emits sparks with every step. Their eyes are glowing red…. They tear past Rommel in the direction where he had just come from… Heinz finally burst through the bush—he is exhausted, panting like mad--- “Herr Rommel--- Ich think vhe haf to get out uf here--- zhoze dogz are out uf control, zhey are schtill in “zheeking bitch” mode, but it iz jumpink all over—zhe zhooner vhe getten out uf here zhe better…” “In zhat kaze—you taken zhe Amerikan unt ich vhill go unt zhee if Shultz iz managink mit zhe unloadink…” In the bushes nearby the forgotten remote control fizzez in the early morning dew… creating new connections and circuits with each drop of wetness—and transmitting it into the ether…..

Hearing the bushes crash in front of them, Heinz and Rommel stumbles onwards and finally trip over the deflated carcasses of the two dogs. “Heinz--- maken zhie zhe patches und get zheze thingmiez back on zheir feetzez—Ich vhill continue mit zhe pursuit” Rommel hears something heavy (obviously overweight!) crash trough the bushes to the right. Taking his Schmeisser off safety he breaks into a small clearing. Two broken glasses and a bottle of Cognac slowly gurgling it’s contents into the ground tells the full story, as well as the smell of stale cheap perfume. Rommel grabs the bottle, swigging away while he turns into the direction of the crashing noises and takes on the pursuit. “Phtuuuiiii—Ziz—zhiz drink iz foul--- no vhonder zhe French nimmer got anywhere!” He picks up speed. At last he sees an obviously overweight woman breaking through the branches a couple of meters in front of him. The real gentleman he is decides the issue… He takes his coal shuttle helmet and throws it at the woman with all the force he can muster…. The helmet connects the head of the woman in front of him…. “Zhorry lady….” As she tumbles and fall he sees that she was not all that fat, just a bit overweight… she was carrying an American Airman…. Quite unconscious and obviously drunk as well …over her shoulder. Rommel proceeds to tie the woman to a nearby tree using the remains of her garments and hefts the American over his shoulder, accidently banging his head against some hefty overhanging branches to ensure that he remains in a state of stupor. Rommel begins to trot in the direction of the Me 610 landing ground… Suddenly the bushes next to him burst open………………….

"Heinz-- Put zhe thingz on "Search Bitches!"-- Shultz-- Go back to zhe Me610 und schtart unloadink!" The moment the 'flatibles are on the new setting they give a yelp and barrel through the bushes in the direction that some glasses could be heard just now - faintly clicking together.....

Lookz like a cross between a dog and a dog....

Amerikanz haz zhuch inappropriate namez fur thingz....