Edwin Rommel

GO PACK UND KOMME TO VHARMER KLIMATE!!

Woken up by the cold air, Helmut takes in the bewildering scene around him in a moment. He is been pulled towards the French countryside by a great weight strapped to his ankle. He gropes for the D-ring of his parachute and pulls the ripcord at the same moment that the pack tied to his leg seems to glow briefly before erupting into a blinding sun underneath him. The superheated air expands the parachute for a fraction of a second and propels the bewildered Helmut away from the heart of the explosion at blinding speed before ripping to shreds. Milliseconds later air rushes towards the spot where the superheated molecules had disappeared, collapsing the remnants parachute. Fortunately – or unfortunately as it might turn out- Helmut is too far away from the epicenter of the explosion to die a fiery death in an instant. Instead the enormous shockwave disintegrates his body and spreads him out into a thin steam of biological matter….. Which floats right into the mass of materializing Outer Space Homogeny (OSH) transporter molecules… Gdfltz senses another body materializing next to him before his lightning reflexes honed by years of light saber fighting against the Octopi takes hold. He sees the feint outlines of an enormous shockwave coming towards him before hitting the vaporizer transporter button and sensing the shockwave propelling the craft out of the planet’s atmosphere again and briefly colliding with a moon before coming to rest deep in outer space, slowly materializing again… “VHERE ZHE HELL AM ICH???”

Ich do not know about how ich got zhe raincoat--- muzt be zhum old schtory.... kweit comfortable --- und many paperz in zhe pocketz zhat ich do not remember puttink zhere??

Ich am not bombink him mit charm unt vhit-- ich am bombink him mit bombz-- Dumkopf!!! Ich betten zhat zhat B25 zhat iz zhitting zhere doink nozzink muzt be hazy inzide mit all zhe fartz by now--- juzt do not light ein match vhotever you do!!

"Ok- kommink up to IP-- are you ready??" "Fertig Herr Rommel" "Hold... Hold.... Light zhe fuze.... NOW!!" "LOSS!!!" After a few moments Rommels hears the outside door closing.... "SCHEISS...." "Ach--- vhot is vrong now..." An ashen faced Heinz clambers back through the cockpit door... "Herr Rommel-- zhomething terrible haz happened!" "VHOT!" Behind the Me 610 the cargo net with fuel drums are tumbling through the air, fuel spilling in all directions causing a fine mist that slowly settles towards the ground below.... something seems to be following behind the tumbling cargo net... "Err-- It iz Helmut Herr Rommel" "Vhot about Helmut..." "Errrrr----" "Vhell ich knocked him out like ich said---" "Ja?" "Unt ich put him next to zhe outzhide cargo door to be out uf zhe vhay vhen ich shove zhe bomb out... and ... and..." "Ach himmel Heinz-- schpit it out man-- und schtop kryink!...." "Vhell-- a rope frum zhe cargo net caught him around zhe anklez unt pulled him out zhe door mit zhe bomb!!!!!!!!!" "Ach Himmel!!!!!!!!!!!!" Rommel turns in his seat, slightly hampered by THE greatcoat he is wearing to look back in the direction they have just come from... Behind the Me 610 the fuses on the dynamite finally burns through to the nitroglycerin--- the fuel laden mist explodes in an old version of the modern Fuel Air Bomb, with only a slightly less devastating fireworks display. Since most of the explosion force is not contained in a bomb casing the effect is spectacular and the shock wave enormous, but the force is disapated in all directions, causing more noise and flames than the real devastation a FAB would have caused.... The force is still enough to level all in it's path......

"VERDAMT!!! Ich zhaid drop zhe bomb!!!!" "Errrr-- Herr Feldmarschall vhe haf ein problem...." Heinz appears in the cargo door. "JA?- VHOT DO YOU VHONT?!!" "Err-- Herr Feldmarschall-- vhe haf schlight problem...." "Ja?" "Vhell-- you know zhat Helmut had zhiz problem mit hiz vhotzizname..." "Ja?" "Vhell-- vhen I bended down to gather all zhe fuel tins, he vhoz behind me unt he lozt konzentrazion, unt ich had to knock him out..." "Ach scheiss..." "Vhell-- Ich could not be ready in time fur zhe drop--- if you circle again?" "Ach..... OK-- take you schtazion-- unt drop zhe bomb zhiz time, ozzervhize zhere vhould be hell to pay..." The Me 610 lumbers on, making a slow turn to come in for a next run..... unknowingly giving Stans time to finish his little walk-about in the bushes and to return to the farmhouse....

Whunderbahr!! No SCHNOW!!!

"Do vhe haf anythink in zhiz krate vhe kan uze az ein bomb?" "Ja Herr Feldmarschall--- here is zheveral kanz uf fuel und zhum dynamite..." "Helmut-- you unt Heinz, get zhum fuel canz into ein cargo net und skweezen zhe dynamite in between zhe drumz--- open zhe zhide door unt light zhe fuze unt push it outzhide on mein kommand!" "Jawohl Herr Rommel!" The two disappear into the cargo hold while Shutlz fine-tunes the direction finder... "It iz definitely frum zhat farm building over zhere at zhe crossroads Herr Rommel" "Guut-- ich vhiil sweep to zhe west und zhen come back followink zhe road- be ready to give zhe signal for release to Heinz when we cross over zhat schtand uf trees over zhere" The Me 610 lumbers into a long sweeping turn preparing from the bombing run... From the cargo hold come grunts and thuds... "Ready?" "Ich bin ready" says Shultz... "Hold---- hold---- NOW--- RELEASE!!" Shultz turns towards the open cargo hold door and shouts-- "LOSS!!!" .............................

Far far away.. so far that a light year seams short, Gdfltz lift one eye from the sonic emission tracker… (translated from Kridasic for the sake of unenlightened readers) … “The homing 5ignal ha5 5witched on Comm8nder Micro5copic 8naly5i5!” “Th8nk you Gdfltz! Th8t i5 good new5! We h8ve w8ited sever8l hocnics for the third pl8net from the 5un in the Milky Way to wake up and be 855imil8ted! Give me 8n upd8te on the 5itu8ation” “The third pl8net i5 been overrun by 8 sm8ll but powerful entity but there 8re sever8l other entitie5 th8t refu5e to 5ubmit. Our 8gent i5 in pl8ce 8nd currently 5its in 8 sm8ll primitive tr8nspot vehicle doing pretty much nothing. This 8gent h8s been processed in the norm8l f85hion 8nd doe5 not currently know 8bout his origin5- he i5 under the impre55ion th8t he i5 5ome 5ort of experiment8l 8nom8ly. We h8ve org8ni5ed with the Romulen5 and Klingon5 to home in on the 5ign8l in order to lull the primitive inh8bit8nt5 into believing th8t they 8re f8cing something f8mili8r th8t only occur in their science fiction 5tories. In the me8ntime the council h85 decreed th8t I t8ke the 855imilator to the pl8net for resource g8thering- we tru5t that the homing 5ignal will remi8n 5witched on long enough for u5 to complete the journey. It 5eem5 that 5ome of the inh8biti8nts h8ve 8l5o picked up the 5ignal 8nd 8re he8ding to the 5ource 85 we 5pe8k” “Th8nk you Gdfltz- let me del8y you no longer- be off 8nd do your work for the Outer Stell8r Homogeny—Oh—8nd 5witch off the 8ndromeda emulator on your w8y out—I think we h8ve fooled the primitives….”

“Shhhjjjjttttt---“ “Vhot Shultzie??” “It iz ein homing signal of zhum zhort--- juzt ein continiouz schtream uf “s”es” “Hah—it haz to mean zhomethong—triangulate unt give me ein new course” “Jawohl Herr Feldmarschall!”

Karry on....

Frau Jen! Paris... Ach Ich bin smitten again.... Unt it took me over three yearz to get over her....

Funny namez fur Nippon soldiers?...... Ich would have thought something like: "Australian troopz kapture Itchie Crothcie und Ronin Arschole"...

Shultz, turning the tuning wheel on the radio up and down to try and find at least some traffic in the radio-blacked out wartime Europe (they assume the are over Europe somewhere) suddenly stops and listens carefully, holding up his hand to indicate silence and presses the headphones even harder against his ears. He listens for a while and then starts smiling… “Herr Feldmarschall--- vhunderbahr!!! Ich haf tuned into a conversation between two sections of the allied forces—AND ZHEY ARE FIGHTING AMONGZT ZHEMZELVEZ!!!” “Mein Gott—Shultzie—triangulate – KWIEKLY!!! Vhe haf to find vhere zhoze signalz are kommink frum!" Shultz desperately turns the direction finder in slow circles to pinpoint the transmissions…. "ICH VHONT EIN VHOMAN!!!" "Ach shutten up Heinz!!"

Karry on!

Unt vhen he iz ein teen-ager you kan legally kick him in zhe teethz!

Faintly amongst the incredible noise in the cockpit of the Me 610 a voice sounding like Jack Bennie sounds----- “!TUO TAHT TUC WON” “?einneB kacJ iz kcuf ehz ohV” “ doirep emit tghir ehz ni era ehv fi za zdnuoz ti tub, wonk t’nod hcI” “!! WON REH TNOHV HCI DNU NAMOHV NEI TNAHV HCI” “! TZURHT EZREVER NI TI TUP- ZTLUHS” In a blur of smoke the six big pairs of propellers shudders to a mid-air stop and screams into the opposite direction, buckling the airframe and shaking the occupants of the cockpit senseless….. The light display halo around the aircraft slowly fades and the outline becomes distinct. The landscape below is dark- here and there a searchlight finger probes the sky and a hopeful burst of flak erupts in a fiery display…………….. The Zuruck technology worked—except that it is unsure precisely where and in what time sector to journey had ended…. The slowly recovering crew—now four young men--- would soon find out…

But DH zhaid zhey uzed ein pick-up Dumbo!! Ich zhee he iz related to you too!!!

“?tey erehz ehv erA” “YNROH OOOOHZ NIB HCI” “ erehz revo tareg kcuruZ ehz no gnidaer ez tim zdnopzerrok noizizop ehz nehw erehz eb lliv ehV” “limmeH” “! htuoy fu zniatuof evitkellok deniager riehz tim einieH tnu ztluhS tim ezaphcs denifnok nie ni eb ot efas regnol on zi ti nehv rO” “!hcA” “ !! NOMAW NIE TEEN HCI” Still glowing strongly and creating it's own Northern Lights, the ME 610 plummets through the darkness with screaming engines.....

Zhat iz vhere her ballz vhent after zhat Republican chap kicked her zho hard on her backzhide!!

eheheheheheheH See Mane-- he also has a headache-- unt I haf not been near him-- No manual needed!!

Vhorked--- looked--- Yep !

Guut Afternoon! Go pull zhe toothzez!

“?gnineppah ztohV” “! emit ni sdrawkcab gnivom era ehV” “?zthgil ezehz lla tim neppu zi tohV” “noziroh tneve z’omlE tS ed fu noiztpurzid ehz yb dezauk zi tI” “hcA” “! yeH” “?tohV” “!!!!!! KCAB ZI YDOOW RREH” “eheheheheheheheH” "!! EEHZ NAK HCI !!!!!!!!!!RHABREDNUW" Shrouded in lights, flames and fire the Me 610 plummets back to yesterday, screaming in full reverse.....