Donster

LMAO!!!

Morning all. I thought this was going to be the Red Sox's year. They most certainly had me fooled. Damn Yankees! Three cheers for the Iowa Hawkeyes, Alabama Crimson Tide and the Wisconsin Badgers for their big wins yesterday! Sorry Buster about Arkansas. They put up a good fight after being down so far early.

SIGNS YOUR HOSPITAL HAS RECENTLY GONE THROUGH BUDGET CUTS The stethoscopes have been replaced with two tin cans and a piece of string. The X-Ray machine is now a 500-watt bulb and an Instant Camera. The call button is a bicycle horn. Dinner is Jello® in the shape of a steak. The orderlies will only change your bedding if you leave them a tip. The medical gowns have no back ... and no front. You can only have blood drawn if you're already bleeding. "This month only! 50% off stitches in our do-it-yourself wing!" The pediatric and geriatric wards have been combined to save storage space on diapers. Your oxygen tent is two garbage bags and some duct tape. Coin-operated bedpans. All medications are supplied by Placebo, Inc. Uneaten food is now saved until it molds, which the pharmacy then turns into antibiotics.

Thanks Dougie! Glad to be back! At least on a limited basis!

Why thank you Geg! Describes me to a tee!

Four retired Army vets are walking down the street window shopping. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says "Veterans Bar" over the doorway of an entry into an establishment that doesn't look all that well kept up. They look at each other then go in. On the inside, they realize in this case, they could judge the 'book by it's cover'. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully stocked bar so the men all ask for a martini. In short time the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis - shaken not stirred and says, "That'll be 40 cents for the round, please." The four men stare at the bartender for a moment then look at each other -they can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martin! is and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?" The bartender replies, "No doubt you've noticed the decor in here. And the outside ain't nothin' to write home about. I don't waste money on that stuff. But, here's my story. I'm a retired Master Sergeant and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $45 million and decided to open this place for real veterans. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same." "Wow. That's quite a story." says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of ! the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there. One man finished his martini and, gestured at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says, "Oh, those are retired Air Force Colonels. They're waiting for "Happy Hour"."

In the great desert lived a band of nomads. Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard. Thus, the man with the biggest beard was their chief. After leading the band for many years, Benny decided he wanted to shave. He asked the elders for their advice. They were shocked. They reminded him of the ancient warning that the leader who shaved would be turned into earthenware. Benny scoffed at that, and cut his beard. As the final whisker was cut, a huge dust storm came up. When it cleared, there stood a man-sized clay vessel. The elders knew the legend must be true. Their conclusion? "A Benny shaved is a Benny urned."

LOL! I miss beer.

Morning all. Sunny here in Maryland. Hey Rommel, is that a pic of Stans dipping his sausage again?

Thats SPAM...not SPAMS

...damaging taxi in the process I wonder if the sound the turtle made is the same as the guys last name?

Since you guys are probably going thru withdrawls from lack of bad jokes... Bob the bus driver loved Sesame Street so much that one day he decided to paint all the characters, Elmo, Big Bird, Oscar, Cookie Monster, etc. on the side of his bus. He drove around proudly on his route, as people admired the bus from afar. At his first stop, two enormously fat women stepped onto the bus and introduced themselves as the twin sisters, Pattie and Patty. They began to chat among themselves in annoyingly high-pitched voices, but Bob simply ignored them and continued on his way. The next stop was outside a school, where a lone boy wearing a helmet and a bowtie entered the bus. He introduced himself as Paul, but added that everyone called him Special Paul because he was a "special" person. Paul sat across from the fat sisters and kept to himself. As the bus rolled into the slum area of the city, it stopped outside a broken down apartment building, where a crude-looking young man wearing a leather jacket and sporting a mohawk stepped on. He suddenly let out an enormous sneeze, patted Bob on the back, and introduced himself as Lester Sneeze. A nickname he recieved due to his frequent colds. About half an hour into the ride, Bob heard whines coming from the back of the bus. It turns out Lester had whipped out his pocket knife and begun to cut bunions from his feet and flick them at poor Paul's head. Pattie and Patty were both screaming at him to stop bothering the poor child, and the entire bus was in an uproar. Finally, Bob couldn't take it anymore. He stopped the bus, picked up the nearest payphone and made a call. "Hello, Department of Transportation? I need help! I've got two all beef Patties, Special Paul, and Lester Sneeze flickin' bunions on a Sesame Street bus!"

Strike a bonanza for 12-year-old entrepreneur

LMAO!

Probably better that I can't see it....supposed to be here taking care of Lottie's sister and all. And I don't like cold showers.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I can't see it due to this ancient dial up connection! Tell me...was there boobies????

Morning you all from south of the Mason-Dixon line. I'm one of you now Gunny!

S!

Morning all. Rain here in Maryland.

That is so sickening to hear! I have been to Willow Run for an air show and musuem visit. There was tons of photos, military clothing and equipment in that building. Was fantastic to go thru. So many B-24's were built there. I'm thankful I was able to see it during my lifetime, and its so sad to hear its gone. Thanks for the news Stans.

Don't answer that! Ya bastages! Lottie's sister got thru surgery fine on Monday, but had to stay in the hospital until today. So that meant two fun filled days in Dover, Delaware. Did see alot of transports flying in and out. Sure hope there wasn't any KIA's coming home. I'll pop in when I can. Kudos to Geg for helping on the WWII news posts. Donnie

My new flight leaves at 6am tomorrow morning. So I will say good night, see ya later, back to visit as soon as I can. Have a good weekend all!

YES! YES! AND DAMN RIGHT I WOULD! Thanks Stans!

Yeah...I've had back surgery that hurt less than that! Not to mention a few concussions, burns, infections etc.

To hell with the popcorn! I want beer nuts, beer and BOOBIES!!!