Jump to content
COMBATSIM Forum

No105_Archie

Charter Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    7,835

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Posts posted by No105_Archie

  2. Paddy's Day Jokes

    in Ready Room

    Posted

    It's St. Paddy's day on Thursday -- here are a few you've maybe seen

    before, but they are still worth a few laughs.

    *******************************

    Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run

    over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face

    is cut

    and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

    "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

    "Jamie O' Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

    "That little snit, O' Conner," says Sean, "he couldn't do that to you,

    he

    must have had something in his hand."

    "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible

    lickin' he gave me with it."

    "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have

    something in your hand?"

    "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of

    beauty

    it was, but useless in a fight."

    ----------------------------

    An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from

    the

    city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over

    the road.

    A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya

    been?"

    "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

    "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink

    this

    evening."

    "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

    "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms

    across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out

    of your

    car?"

    "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought

    I'd

    gone deaf,"

    ---------------------------

    Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan

    arrives

    at her door.

    "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin'to tell ya."

    "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's

    my

    husband?"

    "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda.

    "There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

    "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me...."

    "I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

    Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

    "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and

    drowned."

    "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. "Did he at least go

    quickly?"

    "Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."

    --------------------------

    Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning

    service,

    and she's in tears.

    He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"

    She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away

    last

    night."

    The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he

    have

    any last requests?"

    She says, "That he did, Father..

    " The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?

    " She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

    ---------------------------

    AND THE BEST FOR LAST.

    A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth,

    sits

    down but says nothing.

    The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just

    sits

    there. Finaly, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

    The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this

    side

    either

  4. St. Patrick's Day Self-Help Guide

    in Ready Room

    Posted

    There is one GLARING mistake in this. When in a pub and drinking heavily the absolute BEST thing to eat is Fish and Chips. It has all the essential nutrients and if prepared properly , the grease will soak up the booze and also lubricate your throat as you puke later.

    I know this because Nfld is almost half Irish and most folks ( including Irishmen ) can't tell the difference.

    Two final notes.......at all costs do not say the words. Orange, William or Billy at a Paddy's day affair, and NEVER , NEVER, NEVER remind the party goers that St. Patrick was really an Englishman :D

  18. US pays out for looting Nazi gold

    in Ready Room

    Posted

    Hope so Sulla.......we still lose someting like $400Million each and every year because we can't get a power corridor through Quebec to sell our hydro power to Ontario and the States.

    But we do have LOTS of oil and we are not quite as crazy as the folks in the Middle East ;)

  20. US pays out for looting Nazi gold

    in Ready Room

    Posted

    War debt is a bit of a sticky point. After WW 1 the ONLY nation to repay ALL its war debts was little old Newfoundland. It pretty much bankrupted us. The depression finished the job. Now instead of being a counrtry we are a "poor cousin" province of Canada.

    I agree with Stans & Shepdog that there is a huge debt of gratitute owed to the US ....but I think Geg is right and believe that the US is doing the right and honourable thing in this particular and unusual case

  25. GUUT FREITAG MORNINK!!!

    in Ready Room

    Posted

    Friday.....whoopeeee..........Monday is St.Patrick's day holiday ( yes I know it's really the 17th , that's not a Monday ). God bless Paddy. Then in April we get St. George's day ! Hoooray for England and St George.

    It's too bad there are hardly any Welsh or Scots here....'cus maybe we could get St. David's & St. Andrews's days too :D

×
×
  • Create New...