Clever Business Signs of 2004...

[Donster]

Billboard on the side of the road: "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

Bowling alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

Butcher #1’s window: "Let me meat your needs."

Butcher #2’s window (Kimberley, B.C.): "The Best of the Wurst."

Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Classified ad: "Vacation special: Have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts."

Computer store door sign: "Out for a quick byte."

Convalescent home sign: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

Counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional.”

Country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."

Drycleaner’s shop sign: "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

Electric Company bill: "Watts you see is watts you get."

Electric company sign: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't you will be."

Electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

Farmer's field: "The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges."

Fence sign: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

Front door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."

Funeral home sign: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

Gas pump sign: "Please do not smoke near our pumps. Your life may not be worth much, but our gasoline is."

German café’s English sign: "Mothers, Please Wash Your Hans Before Eating."

Gynecologist #1's office door: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

Gynecologist #2's office sign: "We have an opening for you."

Hotel sign: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."

Housekeeper’s classified ad: "Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it."

Leaflet: "If you can't read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons."

Loan company sign: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

Maternity room door: "Push, Push, Push."

Medical building sign: "Mental Health Prevention Center"

Muffler shop: "No appointment necessary - we'll hear you coming."

Music Library door: "Bach in a minuet"

Music Teacher's door: "Out Chopin"

Non-smoking area: "If we see smoke we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

Optometrists office: "If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."

Pizza shop #1 sign: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Pizza shop #2 sign: "Buy our pizza. We knead the dough."

Plastic Surgeons’ office door: "Hello, can we pick your nose?"

Plumber #1’s truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

Plumber #2’s truck: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

Propane Filling Station: "Tank heaven for little grills."

Proctologist's door: "To expedite your visit, please back in."

Psychic's hotline sign: "Don't call us, we'll call you."

Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to take a leak."

Reception room desk: "We shoot every 3rd salesman , and the 2nd one just left."

Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up."

Scientist's door sign: "Gone Fission"

Septic Tank Truck #1: "We're #1 in the #2 business."

Septic Tank Truck #2: "Where a flush beats a full house."

Store sign: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

Tire shop: "Invite us to your next blowout."

Towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

Veterinarians waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

[Stans]

[Canuck]