Donster Posted February 27, 2007 Report Share Posted February 27, 2007 Even More Signs You Need A New Lawyer Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?" Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers. The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 11:25 AM." Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever." He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs." His flat fee is $2,500 for your case, BUT he will give you double your money back if he wins your case. The name of his law firm is Goldberg, Goldman, Mandlebaum, and Cohen. His name is Pedro Jesus Sanchez. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted February 27, 2007 Report Share Posted February 27, 2007 Sounds like the law firm I deal with, Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Helmet Posted February 27, 2007 Report Share Posted February 27, 2007 On the high steel, the slang term used for riveters building skyscrapers, it was common practice to urinate over the side of the building rather than travel down 40-50 floors to the facilities. Strong winds would disperse the stream long before it could bother anyone on the ground. Now Jack was new to sky-scraper construction. When he had to go, he forgot to clip on his safety line before approaching the edge. Naturally, a gust of wind took him over the side in mid-stream, and he plummeted four hundred feet to his death. The moral of this sad little story: Always loop before you leak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted February 27, 2007 Report Share Posted February 27, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Red Posted February 27, 2007 Report Share Posted February 27, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whizkid Posted February 27, 2007 Report Share Posted February 27, 2007 T-shirts are always a problem in the military. The following directive was issued by the Commanding Officer of a naval installation in the Mid-East and was obviously directed at the Marines. To: All Commands Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts 1. All commanders promulgate upon receipt. 2. The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East: - "Eat Pork or Die" [both English and Arabic versions] - "Shrine Busters" [Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting Islamic shrines. Some with unit logos. - "Napalm, Sticks Like Crazy" [both English and Arabic versions] - "Goat - it isn't just for breakfast any more." [both English and Arabic versions] - "The road to Paradise begins with me." [Mostly Arabic versions but some in English. Some show sniper scope cross-hairs] - "Guns don't kill people. I kill people." [both Arabic and English versions] - "Pork. The other white meat." [Arabic version] - "Infidel" [English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.] 3. The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of this directive. 4. The following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this message: - "Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range At 0800 Daily." - "Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?" 5. All commands are instructed to implement sensitivity training upon receipt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted February 27, 2007 Report Share Posted February 27, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted February 27, 2007 Report Share Posted February 27, 2007 A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "Bartender, got any specials today?" Bartender answers, "Yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink, invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka." The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?" The bartender replied, "A Pabst Smir!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted February 28, 2007 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2007 - "Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range At 0800 Daily." - "Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?" The bartender replied, "A Pabst Smir!" Hangin' with your homey Mr. D. Helmet are we? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spectre_USA Posted February 28, 2007 Report Share Posted February 28, 2007 Ruthlessly stolen smilie now available at the Pilot's Pub. Thanky, Donster-san... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whizkid Posted February 28, 2007 Report Share Posted February 28, 2007 Mr Helmer, sir! I think it's about time to update the Smiley list, don't you? Donnie's making our list look positively out-of-date! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JClark Posted February 28, 2007 Report Share Posted February 28, 2007 Speaking of smilies, where the hell did they all go? Boats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No105_Archie Posted February 28, 2007 Report Share Posted February 28, 2007 God bless the Marines for being politically incorrect Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted February 28, 2007 Report Share Posted February 28, 2007 Speaking of smilies, where the hell did they all go? Boats I see smilies. You change something in your web browser properties? Did something get changed in those properties without your knowledge? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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