Joke Thread (28 MAY 07)

[Donster]

A motorcycle officer stops a man for running a red light. The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the motor officer. The violator demands to know why the Gestapo is harassing him! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The "Motorist" instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms. The officer, being a professional, takes it all in stride, figuring "Battleship mouth and Rowboat Ass".

The tirade goes on without the cop saying anything. When he gets done with writing the citation he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the citation. He then hands it to the "Violator" for his signature.

The guy signs the cite angrily, tearing the paper, and when presented his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for. The officer then removes his mirror sunglasses, get in the middle of the guys face and say, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember you're an Asshole!"

Three months later they are in court. The "Violator" has such a bad record he is about to lose his license and has hired an attorney to represent him.

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light.

Under cross-examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the citation you issued my client?"

Officer responds, "Yes sir, this is the defendants copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top."

Attorney: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this citation you don't normally make?"

Officer: "Yes sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH", underlined."

Attorney: "What does the AH stand for, officer?"

Officer: "Aggressive and Hostile Sir"

Attorney: "Aggressive and hostile?"

Officer: "Yes Sir."

Attorney: "Officer...Are you sure it doesn't stand for Asshole?"

Officer: "Well Sir, You know your client better than I do."

[Gunny]

LOL!

[JClark]

Priceless!

Boats

[Whizkid]

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the Texas plains without water. His horse has already died of thirst. He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie. She is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID badge and a dull gray dress. There's a calculator in her pocketbook.She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, cowboy," says the genie..."You know how I work...You have three wishes."

"I'm not falling for this." said the cowboy... "I'm not going to trust a

FEMA genie."

"What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks

like you're a goner anyway!"

The cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "OK, I wish I Were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis He has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish; my second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."

***POOF***

The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure Chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems.

"OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!"

After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says..."I wish that no

matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."

***POOF***

He was turned into a tampon.

The moral of the story:

If the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string

attached.