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Jokes (Nov. 6th 07)


Dark Helmet
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Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling West. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"

:P

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Well, if you've got up off the floor after reading DH's hilarious so-called joke, here's a more serious one for you to ponder.

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with

your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a

huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams

obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP,

and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you

and your family. What do you do?

THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN:

Democrat's Answer:

Well, there's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the .45 have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier,

healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days

and try to come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer: BANG!

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! BANG! Click

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those

the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"

Son: "Can I shoot the next one!"

Wife: "You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

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Well, if you've got up off the floor after reading DH's hilarious so-called joke, here's a more serious one for you to ponder.

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?

Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with

your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a

huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams

obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP,

and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you

and your family. What do you do?

THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN:

Democrat's Answer:

Well, there's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the .45 have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier,

healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days

and try to come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer: BANG!

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG! BANG! Click

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those

the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"

Son: "Can I shoot the next one!"

Wife: "You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

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