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Joke Thread (22 February 2009)


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Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"

The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiance got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"

The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?'"


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Secret to A Long and Happy Marriage

At All Saints Lutheran Church they have a weekly husband's marriage

seminar. At the session last week, the Pastor asked Ole, who was

approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes

and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married

to the same woman all these years.

'Vell,' Ole replied to the assembled husbands, 'I've tried to treat

her nice, spend da money on her, but best of all I took her to Norvay for

da 20th anniversary!'

The Pastor responded,' Ole, you are an amazing inspiration to all the

husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife

for your 50th anniversary.'

Ole proudly replied, 'I'm a-gonna go get her.'

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Will I Live to see 80?

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 77.)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?

'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, play rock and roll, or have a lot of sex?'

'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said... 'Then, why do you even give a sh**?

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