Jump to content
COMBATSIM Forum
Sign in to follow this  
Old Guy

The Disreputable Half-Dozen

Recommended Posts

Well, I got part of it right. All flame, no burn ward. Poor Yitchie. NOT

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Is this really the end of Itchie Crotchie? Has the New World Order begun to crumble? Will the Yokosuka burn ward now have to close?

Tune in for the answers to these and other exciting questions in the next episode of "As the Jap Burns". Brought to you by the Procter & Gamble Company, makers of Ivory Soap. "It Floats"!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Is this really the end of Itchie Crotchie? Has the New World Order begun to crumble? Will the Yokosuka burn ward now have to close?

Tune in for the answers to these and other exciting questions in the next episode of "As the Jap Burns". Brought to you by the Procter & Gamble Company, makers of Ivory Soap. "It Floats"!

LMAO Donnie.

Don't think we'd be so lucky.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Nein! Zhis ist nicht zhe ende of zhe Axis of Evil. Ve vill never be konquered, ve vill never be defeated, ve vill never go avay. Ve vill alwayz vin bekauze evil ist schtrong und gut ist veak.

Bezides, how do you know zhat vas vreally Itchie? Ve hav many dopplegangerz in zhe Axis of Evil.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

'Cause yall aint that good nor that smart.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Jeez, the conversation soon degenerates to the lowest level, doesn't it?

:rolleyes:

My apologies, sir. I believe that was my fault.

Just mention camel venom around this bunch and look what happens. :P

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Achmed approaches the entrance to a room deep within Saddam's mountain retreat. Dozens of his soldiers were killed by the explosions set off by Gunny during the raid to kill Achmed, but the American CIA nor Military Intelligence knew how deep and how much protection the soldiers of the late Iraqi President had dug into and built during his reign. Inside the room, is a small research laboratory. Achmed enters and begins to speak to a tall man in a white lab coat. "Dr. Katzenjammer ...I'm afraid I have some bad news. The Marine Infidels have shot down, and this time, killed Itchie Crotchie. There is no mistake. One of our patrols, searching for the dog faced Marines found the crash site and dug up his charred remains that the British tea sipping cowards buried in the desert. Here is what is left of our comrade in this little matchbox." Achmed handed the box to Dr. K, who promptly threw it in the nearest trash can. "We do not need his burned remains Achmed. I already have his DNA stored. We can bring him back just as he was!" "Brilliant!" Achmed replies. "Can you make his eyesight better? Can you make him a better pilot? Make him stronger? And a hell of a lot brighter?". "No Achmed, I can't." He will be exactly as he was before he died," the Doctor replies nervously. "crap! What the hells the point then?" asks Achmed. "Good question sir" answers Dr. Katenjamer. "I just work here. The decisions are up to you." "I'll have to think about this one" Achmed snorts as he walks out of the lab.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What...where am I? OK Cammy don't panic. Status check...

I am a camel, in a desert. That's good.

Looks like Iraq. That's good camel country, that is. All good so far.

Ok, ok, but I feel constipated and there is a remote control detonator antenna hanging out my butt. Not good.

Wait! Look over there! What is that sign? "British Army Fire Direction Center, Southern Iraq". They are civilised people the Brits. They'll be able to help a camel in need of an enema.

I'll just wander over...hello soldier...don't mind me, I'm just a constipated camel, looking for...Oooh look, they are opening the gates for that truck, how convenient, I'll just sashay on in and...now where would their medical center be....uhm...oh, here we are, 'Medical Center Fire Direction and Explosive Ordnance Depot, BAFDC, Southern Iraq'...lovely. Hello in there! I say, it seems to be rather busy in here, sorry to bother all you chaps poring over computers but is there a doctor in the...

KA-BLOOEY!!!!!!

nuclear-bomb-test.jpg

HELLO OLD FRIEND

Oh no. No. Not you again.

AFRAID SO

What the heck happened this time?!

NOTHING UNUSUAL I AM AFRAID. IT SEEMS A BUNCH OF FANATICS JAMMED SOME C4 UP YOUR BUTT AND BLEW UP YOU AND MOST OF SOUTHERN IRAQ. NOW LETS GET ON WITH THIS SHALL WE! I HAVE A FEW HUNDRED THOUSAND SOULS TO PROCESS...

Ok, so, no chance of virgin camel babes?

NO

Thought not.

YOU HAVE A CHOICE. AN ETERNITY IN HELL OR ... LET ME SEE, I HAVE AN OPENING WITH A HUMBLE CAMEL HERDER WITH A PROFOUND RESPECT FOR ANIMAL WELFARE.

Really? No messing? OK, that sounds good.

VERY WELL. LET IT BE SO. SAY HELLO FOR ME, HIS NAME IS...ACHMED.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey! Issa no party without Ugo Drago Italian Ace! No Ugo, no party! Capice?

Now everyones. Sing with Ugo

So you little Italian devils,

You want to know about love?

Ugo hesa will tell you.

If you want to make a woman happy,

you lie on what you’re born with,

because it is in your blood.

Be Italian

Be Italian

take a chance and try to steal a fiery kiss

be Italian

be Italian

when you hold me don’t just hold me but hold this

please be gentle, sentimental

go ahead and try to give my cheek a pat

but be daring and uncaring

when you pinch me try to pinch me where there’s fat

HA!

be a singer (be a singer)

be a lover (be a singer)

pick the flower now before the chance is past

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"But...I didn't bring any lingerie, Mon Capitaine. All I 'ave is this old leather jacket. On you it will look 'orrible."

"Let me try it Bridgitte. Merde! C'est 'orrible as you say! But eet weel 'ave to do."

Female-Air-Force-Pilot-20100404.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Verdamt!! VHere vhoz Ich vhen zhiz schtory schtarted-- mozt uf zhe olden karachterz are here!! :popcornsmilie:

Ve hav been vonderink vhere you hav been for kvuite ein vhile.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

"But...I didn't bring any lingerie, Mon Capitaine. All I 'ave is this old leather jacket. On you it will look 'orrible."

"Let me try it Bridgitte. Merde! C'est 'orrible as you say! But eet weel 'ave to do."

Female-Air-Force-Pilot-20100404.jpg

Achtung! Ich hav nicht zeen anyzhink zo, zo, zo... magnifizient zhince Ich vas tranzfered to zhe Arktische Traininksgruppe. Ich muzt... how you zay, "interview" zhis lovely fraulein, ja?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

HAR HAR HAR - You haf her in zher view allvready Soren Fick!

Now moven over unt let me helpen zhe Fraulein mit zhiz here alten overcoaten ich found in zhe Reichstag.... :popcornsmilie:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The sound of a distant explosion could be heard as the mountain retreat of Saddam began to tremble. A few test tubes fall to the stone floor, shattering in thousands of shards, the liquid in some spilling, causing the stone to sizzle from the contents. The chemicals reaction to the stone soon stopped, followed by the minor earthquake caused by the explosion. Achmed looked at this cellphone, then exclaimed "Ahh! That would be The Camel completing his mission to destroy the British Army Fire Direction Center! Right on time too! He soon will return from the afterlife, and we will be able to use him against the animal loving Americans! Just like the British, they can't resist a camel or sheep! Sick-minded infidels!" "JA! Ve Germanz just enjoy makink zhe animalz into Schnitzel und Sausagez! Add some sauerkraut und thoze little round potatoez, vunderbar! None of zhe pre-conzumink sex like the Ami's and Limey's! Und I don't even von't to tell you aboutz zhe Kiwi's und the Aussie'z! They are some really sick bastarden!" "Enough Dr. Katzenjammer!" Achmed responds, retching as he holds a boney hand over his mouth.

Achmed sits down on the Doctor's office chair. "I have made a decision. Itchie Crotchie must be brought back to life." "Jawohl Herr Achmed! But vhy?" ask Dr. K.

"Hell if I know. My eight wives have more brains then Itchie has, but he follows orders without question. It is getting harder to find soldiers like that, with that Twitter and YouTube crap. But Dark Helmet says we need him."

Dr. Katzenjammer opens the door to a small refrigerator, and removes a petri dish with Itchie's DNA. He walks across the room and places the dish into a coffin sized stainless steel incubator. He pushes a button and a glass door slides closed. Pushing another button, the glass begins to fog, and various lights start illuminating the inside of the incubator, as a slow mechanical humming noise begins to increase in speed. "Dark Helmet eh? I haf alvays thought zhat he and Itchie vere a little to friendly to each ozzer" Dr. K mutters to himself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A faraway roar and cloud of dust and smoke on the horizon to the east causes Rommel to stop picking a piece of sauerkraut out of a hollow tooth with a sharpened Tommy matchstick.

“Hmmmmm……….. Ich vhunder vhot zhat might be??”

Inadvertently he wipes the match on his lapel to get rid of a strand of rotted cabbage…

The match ignites……. barely quarter of an inch away from his sweat oily seven weeks old beard….

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

An hour passes, and Dr. Katzenjammer shuts down the incubator. The humming from the machine begins to wind down to silence. "It iz done, Herr Achmed Achmed" Katenjammer calls towards the boney leader. The fog within the incubators chamber quickly is drawn away, and inside stands a naked Japanese man in his early twenties. "Is he alive?" Achmed asks. "Ja, hiz vital zigns are gut!" He iz juzt vakink up now" answers Dr. K as he presses a button on the machine. The vacuum lock is released and the door opens. Itchie wakens and stumbles from the chamber, unable to see, groggy and off balance, moaning ever so slightly. Dr. K grabs Itchie's right hand and places in it a pair of round wire rimmed eyeglasses with lenses as thick as the bottom of Coke bottles. Itchie place them over his eyes, blinks and yawns, then looks around the laboratory. "Herro! BANZAI! BANZAI! BANZAI!!!"

"Damn ....it actually worked" Achmed remarks in disgust as he turns and leaves the lab.

"KIRL AMI JALHEAD MALINES!!! BANZAI! BANZAI! BANZAI!!!"

"Herr Itchie, perhapz you should put on zome klothes firzt. Zhen again, maybe schtay naked und the Ami's vill die laughink" replies Dr. K as he looks away while handing Itchie a new uniform.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×