Donster Posted June 21, 2012 Report Share Posted June 21, 2012 :rofl: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted June 21, 2012 Report Share Posted June 21, 2012 :rofl: :rofl: Another one: Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure where to send you. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows'95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case; I'm going to let you decide whether you want to go to Heaven or Hell." Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?" St. Peter: "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision." Bill: "Fine, but where should I go first?" St. Peter: "I'll leave that up to you." "Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing, and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!" "Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter. "Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons. "How's everything going?" he asked Bill. Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?" "That was a demo," replied St. Peter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted June 21, 2012 Report Share Posted June 21, 2012 Oh, Donnie, could you possibly start posting "Pearls Before Swine" again on a daily basis? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with sprinkles on top? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted June 21, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2012 I'll see what I can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted June 21, 2012 Report Share Posted June 21, 2012 Danke, Herr Babengrupenfuhrermeister! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whizkid Posted June 22, 2012 Report Share Posted June 22, 2012 Oh, Donnie, could you possibly start posting "Pearls Before Swine" again on a daily basis? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with sprinkles on top? The Sacramento Bee has it every day in OUR paper! Sorry YOUR paper doesn't see fit to publish it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted June 22, 2012 Report Share Posted June 22, 2012 I do not subscribe to a news history paper, I prefer to get my information a little faster these days. The telegraph will be the death of news papers, I tells ya! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whizkid Posted June 22, 2012 Report Share Posted June 22, 2012 I do not subscribe to a news history paper, I prefer to get my information a little faster these days. The telegraph will be the death of news papers, I tells ya! Telegraph? That something new? Get me some info, would ya'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted June 22, 2012 Report Share Posted June 22, 2012 ... ..- .-. . --..-- / .. / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / .--. .- ... ... / .- .-.. --- -. --. / ... --- -- . / .. -. ..-. --- .-. -- .- - .. --- -. / --- -. / - .... . / - . .-.. . --. .-. .- .--. .... / ... -.-- ... - . -- .-.-.- / ... - .- -. -.. -... -.-- .-.-.- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whizkid Posted June 22, 2012 Report Share Posted June 22, 2012 Bloody hell, I'm going to stay strictly away from that, then! Looks almost as bad as that new-fangled Morse Code I've heard about. Soon they'll start saying they can talk through wire! Totally ridiculous if you ask me. OK, so don't! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted June 22, 2012 Report Share Posted June 22, 2012 All I can tell you is that the news papers post stories about where the Daleks were, the newfangled news sources tell you where they are going. Beware the Daleks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whizkid Posted June 22, 2012 Report Share Posted June 22, 2012 All I can tell you is that the news papers post stories about where the Daleks were, the newfangled news sources tell you where they are going. Beware the Daleks. What? And the people back East laugh at us on the West Coast for using mind-altering substances? Just look at what Nitrous Oxide can do to your brain! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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