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Cyclone

Viva La France!!!

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"warning: The following are jokes you would routinely find on comedy television. They are jokes that you would hear on the radio, read in a newspaper, watch on television.....but STILL you might not like them because they are political and poke fun of governments and nationalities, so be warned!!! But they are all JOKES"

yeah, whatever, but they're good:

1. How many gears in a French tank?

Six, five reverse and one forward in case they are attacked from behind.

2. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands

up?

The French Army.

3. How do you stop a French tank?

Shoot the guy pushing.

4. How did the French advertise surplus World War II

rifles?

"Never fired, only dropped once."

5. Why might the French send troops to the Gulf?

To teach the Iraqis how to surrender.

6. Why does the new French Navy use glass-bottomed

boats?

So they can see the old French Navy!!!

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why do french people smell?

so that even the blind can hate them.

why did the french plant trees along the streets?

so that the Germans could march in the shade.

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And some more:

What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training?

How to surrender in at least 10 languages.

What is the most useful thing in the French Army?

A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

Why does Nike like the French Army?

Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes.

Why is good to be french?

You can surender at the begining of the war, and US will win it for you.

How many frenchman does it take to gaurd Paris?

Nobody knows, its never been tried before

Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

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HEAVEN is the place where the comedians are Irish, the pop singers are English, the Germans build the roads, the Italians cook the food, and the belgians brew the beer.

HELL is the place where the comedians are German, the pop singers are Belgian, the Italians build the roads, the English cook the food and everyone has to speak Irish.

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(sorry for all the anti-french jokes)

A frenchwoman walks into a bar with a duck under her arm...

the bartender says: "hey, you can't bring that pig in here, this is a bar."

the frenchwoman says: "It's not a pig, it's a duck"

bartender: "I was talking to the duck"

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The government announced today that it is changing its emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects the government's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually getting screwed.

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Funny stuff, Cy.

Not to be too hard on the French (believe it or not, I have several French friends), but what is up with pop music in France?

Driving down the autoroute, trying to find something on the radio -- bon chance, mon ami. It's all bizarre-sounding stuff, the sort of music Hollywood used for rock-and-roll back in the 1960s and 1970s, before studios started licensing popular songs for films.

When you go to a restaurant in France (don't get me started on the myth of French cuisine), odds are they'll be playing 1970s chick rock (think Journey or Air Supply) -- loudly. Like, it's-hard-to-hold-a-conversation loud.

Dining outdoors with your lovely bride, expect to be serenaded. In all probability, two guys playing an accordian and a fiddle will position themselves directly in front of your table. Naturally, they expect a tip -- and they won't go away until they get one.

That is, unless you start singing "God Bless America" at the top of your lungs ... ;)

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got nothing against the french, cool people, hot chicks, and the rest. just thought the fellas here wouldn't mind a li'l humour to lighten up their flyin'

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Someone posted a similar one a month back. anyways:

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a

road when they hear a

voice call from behind a sand-dune: "One Israeli

soldier is better than ten Talibans".

The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best

soldiers over the dune

whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a

few minutes, then

silence.

The voice then calls out: "One Israeli soldier is

better than one hundred

Talibans". Furious, the Taliban commander sends his

next best 100 troops

over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences.

After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The Israeli voice calls out again: "One Israelisoldier

is better than one

thousand Talibans". The enraged Taliban Commander

musters one thousand

fighters and sends then across the dune.

Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge

battle is fought.

Then silence.

Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back

over the dune and with

his dying words tells his commander: "Don't send any

more men, it's a trap.

There are two of them."

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And yes, for some unfathomable reason i'm in a bloody good mood tonight.

BTW-Got my first hug from a girl today!!

YEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

And in the swimming pool, that too

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got nothing against the french, cool people, hot chicks, and the rest. just thought the fellas here wouldn't mind a li'l humour to lighten up their flyin'

Correct me if I'm wrong, Cyclone, but the woman presently acknowleged as the world's most beautiful is actually Indian -- Aishwarya Rai, right?

PS: Congrats on the hug -- it gets better! :D

image674794.jpg

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Gotta love French jokes....it stops folks from picking on us poor Newfies :D

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Gotta love French jokes....it stops folks from picking on us poor Newfies    :D

Yeah, Arch, we Aggies get it pretty bad down in Texas, too!

Why do Aggies hate M&Ms?

Because they're too hard to peel!

:D

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Ash is a real bitch, totally superficial, cant act for monkey nuts, and fakes an American accent better than the Americans.

And the hug was from a 19 yr old chick who thinks i'm a cute pile o' chicken crap. I got the hug for getting an A grade in flirtatious behaviour with no hint of anything further :unsure:

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Ash is a real bitch, totally superficial, cant act for monkey nuts, and fakes an American accent better than the Americans.

And the hug was from a 19 yr old chick who thinks i'm a cute pile o' chicken crap. I got the hug for getting an A grade in flirtatious behaviour with no hint of anything further  :unsure:

Hey, you gotta start somewhere, Cyclone! :D

Interesting to hear your take on Ash, too. Is this the general view in India?

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Depends. Page3 die to be seen around her, us middle classes cant bear the accent, while the rest of the populace love her, just for the looks. she's as wooden as Arnie, and talks with that same monotone. cant act at all. always the same.like some reviewer said, Ash never stops being Ash.

i prefer another Ms World winner, Sushmita Sen. she's scalding hot, totally unfazed by attention, and is a treat to watch. could you post her pic here too?

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These aren't that bad (I think):

Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, " says the genie. The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French ******* again.

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My teacher told me this one today.

Okay, so George Bush and Collin Powell are in a bar talking about the war. A man comes along and says "hey, you're George Bush and Collin Powell, aren't you?" They say "Yes, we are." The man asks "so what are you arguing about?" to which Collin says "well, we were talking about killing two million Iraqis and a blonde with big boobs." The man asks "why kill the blonde with big boobs?" Collin says to Bush:

"See, I told you no one would care if we killed two million Iraqis!"

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