Joke Thread 04-01-05

[Donster]

For the Aussies...

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie

farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the

Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd

of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least

twice as large as your cows."

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of

kangaroos hopping through the field in the distance. Amazed, he asks, "What

the hell are those?!"

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any

grasshoppers in Texas?"

[Donster]

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to

spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he

could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to

tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could

accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no,

he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball

far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally,

they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough

shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly

between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally

said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that

tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the

ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on

the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that

pine tree was only three feet tall."

[Donster]

A woman's husband liked her butt so much that he called her "Beautiful Buns". She decided to have it tatooed on her butt cheeks. Beautiful on one cheek and Buns on the other. The tatoo artist, after checking her butt thoroughly, told her that there was a problem. The word Beautiful is so much longer that the word Butt that it would have to be in smaller letters and would look un-even. He suggested that she have a large "B" tatooed on each cheek. Her husband would understand that it stood for "Beautiful Buns". She agreed and had it done.

She rushed home to show her husband. She lowered her pants, in front of him and bent over so that he could get a good look at the tatoo.

She said "What do you think?"

He replied "Who's Bob?"

[Stans]

[Cyclone]