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Christmas Day Greetings


Donster
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Merry Christmas all. Well I'm still alive, having survived Lottie's birthday yesterday. I got her a life size standing cardboard cutout of me! She seemed to really like it too! Funny though, this morning it's got multiple stab cuts/slashes from a large knife in it. Friggin' Santa must have done it during the night. Jealous of such a fine gift I beat him to the punch with, I'm sure!

31F with overcast skies and a 23F wind chill. Even though our Christmas will be a green one across Iowa, quiet travel conditions are certainly welcome. Today brings us partly sunny skies and light winds. Just a nice as the much needed sunshine will be the temperatures. Highs will range from 40F to 45F.

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Merry Christmas, eh!

I think God must be a plumber. Two years ago, on Christmas Eve, the motor on my furnace died. Yesterday, Christmas Eve, yet again, at 6pm (all the stores are closed by then) the thermocouple on my hot water tank bit the dust. There is only one day in the year when I can't get plumbing / hvac parts and that's Christmas Day. What are the odds of that happening? I'd have better odds of winning the lotto!

So, yeah, God is a plumber and He has it out for me. :lol:

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Well, what can I say? How about "Merry Christmas to all?" None of this crap about "Happy Holidays" I keep hearing. This country has become so SENSITIVE about everything that I might throw up, but not before I have some more Egg Nog!

Oh, and it's about 65F with clear blue skies in Kelseyville! Thought I'd forgotten, eh?

And if you must drive, don't drink, and if you must drink, don't drive! OK?

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Your secret is out Whiz. I looked up Kelseyville the other day.

It's listed as a CDP, Census Designated Place, which means is only exists in the warped mind of a few government clerks. It's a myth.

So who are you, Whiz? Where do you really live?

I have a vision of Whizkid Bigfoot, hunched over a computer, staring at the monitor. "Oh, sh*t. They've penetrated my cover." He reaches for a telephone and punches a number from memory. (Oversize keys, you know, and Bigfoot has a good memory)

"Archie? Yeah, Whiz. Hey, that damn Old Guy figured out Kelseyville doesn't really exist. I'm afraid the lad's have figured out I ain't human."

"Nah. Don't worry. When it comes to figures the Simians can only visualize female shapes. And Old Guy's memory is shot. Give it a couple days. How's things out your way?"

"Well. Okay. You're probably right. Anubis brought some of those Priests of Set around for some five-card draw. We cleaned 'em out."

"Sounds good. Hey, the ball and chain is calling. Gotta go. Don't worry about Old Guy. He's harmless."

"You're right. You're right. Glad I called."

With that, Whiz began composing a detailed description of Christmas under the California sun. He only wished the sun really reached anywhere close to his actual abode.

OG

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