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Jokes 06/14/05


Dark Helmet
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An Indian wants his son to have it better than him, so he sends the son away to trade school.

The kid comes back after finishing electrician's training. The father takes him to the chief and is bragging about how smart his son is.

The chief says to the kid "Look, every time I gotta use the outhouse at night, I can't read because it's too dark unless the moon is out. Is there any chance you could put electricity and lights in the outhouse?"

The young Indian replies, "Sure thing, Chief," and he does as asked.

Thus, he became the first Indian to wire ahead for a reservation!

:P

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Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" Smirking, the male clerk answered, "Only one kiss per yard."

"That's fine," replied the girl, "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old lady standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled.

:D

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Angelina Jolie romantically linked to Kim Jong Il

Kim Jong Il, maniacal president of North Korea and devoted movie buff, has finally agreed to give up his lust for long-range nuclear missiles in exchange for one night of forbidden passion with Hollywood bombshell Angelina Jolie.

The swanky Axis of Evil party boy issued a statement saying he likes "bad girls" and inviting Jolie to come and personally inspect his "weapon of mass destruction."

A source close to Jolie's luscious, pouty lips said the actress/international activist is "intrigued" by the opportunity to defuse the volatile North Korean whackjob. Hollywood insiders say she'd love to put a Nobel Peace Prize next to the Oscar she won for "Girl Interrupted" in 1999.

To sweeten the deal for Jolie, United Nations goodwill ambassador and mother of an adopted Cambodian boy, Jong Il said she can take her pick of cuddly impoverished North Korean infants.

"Hey, I'm no Brad Pitt. But I know how to party," said Jong Il. "And if Mr. Pitt wants a piece of me, my bodyguards will go 'Fight Club' upside his pretty face."

Meanwhile, the international paparazzi is on a state of high alert, with tabloids reportedly willing to pay up to $10.3 million for a photograph of the dictator "canoodling" with the movie queen.

A spokesman said that if the Jolie negotiations fall through Jong Il might be willing to bang Paris Hilton in exchange for relinquishing a rusty Soviet machine gun.

:D

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