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The Return of Itchie Crotchie?


Donster
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The following are entries from the VMF-124 Squadron Files. These were stolen by an unknown Japanese agent. The content of this first post here are previously released entries posted within the VMF-124 secure(?) forum. The following characters in this story are fictional characters, and any resemblence to anyone, living or dead, is just that, and if you try to sue me, well bugger off cuz I ain't got, and will ever have sh!t for the rest of my life anyway, so you won't get anything. So Bite Me! :P

And now, our story...BECAUSE YOU WERE DUMB ENOUGH TO ASK FOR IT!...

The only sounds to be heard in the small dimly lit room were the small ceiling fan spinning, trying to move the humid tropical air, and the slow, shallow breathing from the heavily bandaged soul in the hospital bed. A nurse sat in a chair beside the bed, writing down notes on a clipboard. The severely burned person in the bed suddenly started to stir, the first motion in days, and then accompanied by a slight moaning sound.

"Doctol! Doctol!" the nurse yelled as she rose and raced towards the door. "Comie quickry! He wakie wakie!"

Dr. Hideki Katzenmura made his way to the room, the nurse bows and says "He rive Doctol! He coming to!"

The patients eyes slowly open, blinking at even the slight amount of light in the room. The morphine induced coma has released its grip somehow on the burn victim.

"Whele am I?" a mans voice emerges from the bandages.

"Youie at Tokyo Genelar Hospitar. You have sevele bulns flom attack by enemies of Japan."

"I have stlange dleam....was nightmale!" the man states, struggling to speak.

"Nightmale? What kind of nightmale?" asks the Doctor.

"I sitting in my Zelo, going thlu ple-takeoff plocedule...and...I suddenry see this most hollibre sight against windscleen! It an amelican...with....with...huge man boobs!"

The mans breathing becomes eratic, his body starts to shake, convulsing. The Doctor quickly gives him another dose of morphine, and within seconds, the man settles back into a coma.

"Pool bastald!" the Doctor exclaims as he turns to leave the room. If the bulns alen't enough, the enemies of Japan have begun to toltule his mind. Lat Bastalds! We must save this man to letuln to his duties and destloy the hated arries!!!"

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Still in a coma, Itchie's mind wanders to a time of his youth...

Itchie finds himself sitting on his grandfather Gabby Crotchie's lap. Itchie is but a young Crotchie, maybe 4 years old. Itchie asks his grandfather, "Glampa what kind of young walliol will I be? Will I be a Samalai rike you?" "Aaaahhhh soooooo, my rittle clab frea, you must filst tlain vely vely hald. Onry then can you become a tlue Samalai Clotchie."

"Oh flank you glampa! I plomise to wolk vely hald! Anothel question prease...why you carl me rittle clab frea?" " Vely simprel expranation...you have them clawring alr ovel you rike alr Clotchies!"

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Itchie finds himself in a Geisha house, drinking saki and eating sushi at a table with Choan Vaine II. The year is 1941, the month of September. Itchie sucks on a Octopus tentacle and raises one asscheek off the floor, letting rip a juicy fart. "You lotten bastald!" Choan replies, stealing the hand fan from one of the girls and fanning the noxious fumes away from his position. "So solly Choan-san" Itchie spouts as he downs another cup of Saki. "Youie know how Japanese food efflects me! Itchie lathel have some goodly Chinese food! At reast they cook it filst!" "Aaahhhh so...China...those whele the days eh Itchie-san? Lunning hot and cord Chinese babes, fry a mission in molning, in officel's Crub by noon....sclew off and get dlunk lest of day!!!" Choan belches as he begins to reminisce. "Yes, I aglee-o Honalabre Choan...we have rots of fun then yes? Now we stuck back hele in Japan, tlaining new lecluits to fry. Littre lat bastalds ale arl smaltasses! Thinkie they noie evelything! Some noie even weal grasses! Whats up with that?" Itchie picks a few crab lice that are crawling north towards his chest and flicks them towards one of the girls. "Hee hee! She wirl be sclatching helserf clazy in an houl!"

Itchie regains conciousness, and gazes around the hospital ward. Some of the bandages are now missing from his body. Still connected to an IV, he continues to receive fluids.

"So...Herr Itchie, haf you dezided you vill live now? Quit goofing off in zhe hospital and get back to zhe front? Itchie turns his head towards the familar voice. "Lommell-san! What ale you doing hele in Japan?" "Zhe fat man Goring zent me to Japan on zhe zeckret mission. I haf brought your Army und Navy planz for our newezt aircraft to help you in your fight against zhe verdammit allies! You are all to schtupid to develop your own schtuff! Az a matter of fact, Japan az a choize for a war partner voz about az bad az choozing the Italianz! Now zhere are zome real dumbkoffz Ja?"

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"Aaahhh so honolabre Lommel-san...newry type ailclaft to destloy the arried dogfaces?" "Ja...It iz a new jet engine fighter vhe are vorkink on." At this moment a telephone is heard ringing, the sound coming from Rommel's pants. "Excuze me vone momentz." Rommel reaches down the front of his trousers, and pulls out what appears to be a cucumber. Itchie and Choan stare at Rommel, then look at each other in disbelief. "Ja? Zhiz iz Rommel. Ach!" Rommel jumps to his feet, clicks his heels together and shouts "Heil!" Ja! Ja! Jaja! Ja! Are you zure? NEIN! I vould not ever queztion any of your orderz mein...JAWHOL!!! I vill do az you haf ordered! Heil Hitler!" Rommel sits back down, wipes the sweat from his brow, then takes a big bite from the cucumber. "Er..Helr Lommel, you are eating youl terephone" Itchie points out. "Uh..Ja, I have anozzer phone in mein shirt. It's a nipple ring too. Anyvay, zhe planz are changed. Zhe Fuhuer zayz zhat you muzt vait for zhe new aircraft. However, I am authorized to give you two ozzer zhekret veaponz. Vhe schtole zheze from zome dumbkoff Ami back in North Afrika. Behold my Far Eaztern alliez, take a look at zhese!

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Choan, Itchie and Rommel, followed closely by the electric pussies, make their way to the main dock in Tokyo Bay, where Rommel's new U-Boat is waiting to return him to Germany.

"Preaze infolm youl Fuhuel that we ale so honoled to accept the erectlic pussycats and we wirl use them to destloy the comman enemy!" Itchie boasts, shaking Rommel's hand as he prepares to board. "No plobrem...I mean...nein problem Herr Itchie!" stutters Rommel. He turns to his waiting crewmembers and gives the orders to get underway as he steps onboard the newest ultra secret U-Boat in the German Kriegsmarine.

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Itchie returns to his small apartment just off the Ginza. The Electric Pussies make their way to a ledge at one of the windows, and they both lay down for a snooze. Itchie decides to lay down on his straw mat and take a snooze too. One of Itchie's 'Korean Komfort Women' is in the shower, trying to rid herself of the 'little crawling critters' that Itchie left on her the night before.

Itchie just begins to doze off when he hears some playful giggling and splashing coming from the bathroom. He ignores it for awhile, but after a few more minutes, his curiosity and jealousy gets in the way of his nap. He dashes into the bathroom only to discover this perverted image!

To be continued...

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All very very weird. :D

The E.P.s make maybe some slight sense now.

That lady better be careful with her dare I say it...no I don't think so, "cat" in the shower. Especially if it is electric. That's not smart.

So then...is this the big day? Is itchie on his way back to the front as we speak?

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Itchie awakens to the sound of two distintive humming sounds. As his eyes try to focus in the near darkness, the only light he can see are a few indicator lights on what first appears to be an intrument panel. He foggy brain then is able to assertain what looks like a figure sitting directly in front of him, but it doesn't appear human. It has two pointed ears on top of its head. He then begins to look at his surroundings, and realizes, he is in a very small, torpedo shaped vessel, about 80 feet long. It seems to be about 6 feet wide, with not much room to manuever around inside its confines.

"Wele am I" Itchie groggly asks himself aloud. He then remembers the last time he was conscious, strapped into his Zero, ready to take off, and then the pain in his body as .50 caliber rounds invaded his body. He instinctively reaches for his chest, remembering the first place he was hit. But there is no bandage, no sign of there ever being a wound. Puzzled, he speaks to the silhouette sitting in front of him. "Wele all my wounds? Was it dleam? Am I dead?"

A mechanical voice replies "You are not dreamink Herr Itchie. You haf completly healed from your voundz" the darkened image answers. "But how?" asks Itchie as he checks the other spots where he remembers the slugs ripping into his body. "I vill tell you later, firzt you muzt rezt. Ve vill zoon be to our objectif." "That accent? Itchie no undelstand you so goodry." "Oh, zorry! I vill zvitch to Japlish from Germlish for you." Itchie hears a small whine come from the dark shape and then it speaks..."So solly Itchie-san. You now undelstand me now mole goodry?" "Aaaaahh sooooo...yes mole goodry..." Itchie replies as he drifts back to sleep.

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As Itchie wakes back up, he rips a few loud and deadly farts. "Oh, paldon me, had to ret roose a few kamakazis! Must of been the octopus kabobs! Oh so solly! Those lealy bad too! Open window prease!" The Electric Ninja Pussy quickly shuts down its smell sensor, and then deploys the fresh air snorkel for the mini-sub. "No windows in submaline molon! ENP replies. "Did you splay youl sholts too?" asks as he pushes a button on his control panel and sprays the air with pine air freshner. "You a lotten human Itchie-san".

A few minutes pass while Itchie changes his shorts, then ENP disposes of them thru the anti-ship mine portal on the underside of the sub. "Is that not a goodly idea ENP? Won't the arries spot those floating on the sulface?" Itchie asks. "You kidding me? As much that you reft in them, they sink fol sule! Of coulse the fish kirl may be huge, but no environmental raws yet!"

"Whele arl we headed and what we going to do ENP?" Itchie inquires. "We ale headed to Vella Lavella, home of VMF-124, whele we wirl commit many acts of sabotage, then oul newest wal helo Lonin will destloy them. You Itchie-san, then can have levenge!" BAAAWAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAA!

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During the moonless night, the mini-sub surfaces within a hundred yards of shore. The Pacific waters are calm this night. Two figures are seen as they emerge from the craft and inflate a small raft. They climb into it and begin to paddle towards the islands shore. One of the occupants pushes a button on a small remote control device, and the sub begins to slide beneath the surface. "I hope I lemembel to shut the hatch on way out" Itchie mumbles to himself. "No ploblem Itchie-san...lemote contlor no wolk if hatch stirr open. Designel anticipate you on sub! Ha ha ha!" replies ENP in mechanical Japlish. "Ahh fluck off you Klaut buirt pussy!" Itchie snaps back, threating ENP with the oar he is using.

The Skipper, Shepherd and most of the other squadron members are doing what they do best, bending their elbows, tossing back numerous beers and shots of whiskey, while they make their moves on some of the nurses The Skipper had transferred to the island. Deacon is doing his best as Chaplain to discourage the men from to much cavorting, but none of the others are buying into it as long as Deacon has his arm around one of the more 'well endowed' nurses. Stag and Chopper are off in a corner hopelessly engulfed in a game of Chess, while Schatten, Paddles, Stans and Joker try to cheat each other playing poker at one of the tables underneath a slow turning ceiling fan. A stack of sandwiches sits at the tables edge, a few flies buzzing around, not sure themselves what the 'mystery meat' inside is. "Anybody try a sandwich yet?" Stans asks, watching the curious insects look as if they are going to land on one, then at the last minute, moving away like there is some type of force field around it. "Go for it Stan," Schatten replies chewing on a half burned cigar. I'll write your folks, tell 'em that you died saving the whole squadron." "Shut up and deal" Joker pipes in. "We're playin' with Canadian money here right?" Paddles asks. Doc walks past the table, with his arm around a shapely blondes shoulder, his hand resting precariously close to her right breast, the other hand wrapped around a cold beer. "Baby, I'm tellin' ya...I'm this close to being a Doctor. If it wasn't for this war, I would be at Johns Hopkins! I know more things about your body then you do...so how about lettin' me instruct you eh?" The blonde smiles and giggles "Really?"

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Itchie you slow at come back span of time! Hurry these boys still here. Some these left for you!

Extra, this is surplus, spare Zero Sen becomes ready for you with all lizard and spider examples remove from inside. Top glass portion was leave open and some animal live inside for some time...ready now with animals remove.

:thumbsup:

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Top glass portion was leave open and some animal live inside for some time...ready now with animals remove.

Better hope he cleaned out the poop too! Well, maybe that won't matter, after all, I think most of Itchie's pants have a suspicious brown stain. :lol:

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The black rubber raft makes its way onto the beach, and its two occupants quickly drag it into the brush, covering it with palm fronds to hide its detection from patrols.

"We soonry be to the Maline's ailstlip" Electric Ninja Pussy tells Itchie. "Itchie hope you have goodly pran wolked out ENP, because Itchie no flucking no what we going to do." "Be quietly and forrow me" ENP orders as he moves out towards the airfield.

After walking a few hundred yards thru the brush, the saboteurs reach the edge of the runway. ENP scans the area with his infared eyes, and only spots one guard around the Corsairs, and he is leaned up against one of the aircrafts wheel struts snoring loudly. "Itchie got to pee now" Itchie anxiously announces. "Save it" the cat replies. "We can use it! Now forrow me crosery!" ENP makes his way along the edge of the brush towards the line of Corsairs. Itchie follows with his knees pinched together, holding his thingmie.

Slipping from the ground cover, the two figures make it to the closest F4U. ENP removes the fuel tank cap and motions for Itchie. "Pliss in hele!" Itchie giggles and proceeds to drain his willie, sighing as the sound of the warm liquid splashes into the fuel tank. ENP makes his way to the next aircraft, and drops some tablets into its fuel system. Itchie shakes off the last drop, zips up and replaces the fill cap. ENP checks on the lone sleeping guard, and spots a empty gin bottle in the guards hand. "This man no Maline the cat tells Itchie as he approaches. "This man US Almy" Malines makie bigly mistake with choice fol guald!" "Malines goodly fightels, but they leally dumb" Itchie whispers back. "Now we finish lest of ailclaft, then we find dlinking watel suppry!" ENP orders.

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