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Joke Thread 06-21-05


Donster
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Macho is out...

According to a French study released last week, the "Macho Man" is an endangered species, with more fellows displaying feminine-type attributes such as creativity and sensitivity. (Personnally, I blame Alan Alda....)

According to top5.com, this is how you can spot one of these "hybrid" men....

He longs for a TV show where Oprah and Dr. Phil beat the hell out of each other with folding chairs.

He catches the strippers' panties, then folds them neatly.

Reflexively says "those are fake" whenever he sees Pamela Anderson on TV.

Cries when Bambi's mother gets shot, but mostly due to the idea of all that venison going to waste.

He can belch the lyrics to any Jewel song.

:D

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For all you Brits...

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world." Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the world." They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went first and came out looking deliriously happy. "It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo came out looking confused and simply stated, "Who the hell is Camilla Parker Bowles?"

:D

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Letterman's Top Ten Messages Left On Michael Jackson's Answering Machine

10. "It's Tito--congratulations. Could I borrow 50 bucks?"

9. "Barbara Walters here. I'll double any interview offer and throw in a giraffe"

8. "This is the courthouse lost and found. Can you describe the nose in question?"

7. "This is your bank--curious about the 12 checks you wrote for 'jury bribes'"

6. "This is your neighbor. Could you please send someone to get your chimp out of my pool?"

5. "Happy Father's Day from the lab where we artificially inseminated your sham wife"

4. "Change your outgoing message, dude--'Thriller' was like 20 years ago"

3. It's Martha. Disregard the letter with cell-decorating tips"

2. "Tom Cruise here. I'm calling every person in America to tell them I'm in love with Katie Holmes"

1. "Hi, it's Saddam Hussein. Now how do I get one of them idiot juries?"

:D

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