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Joke Thread (31 July 05)


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Fast food giant McDonald's offers adult-themed prizes ( Participating Stores only)

Oak Brook, IL - Fast food giant McDonald's continues to fine tune the new adult marketed Go-Active! Happy Meal, adding bottled water, a better tasting salad and slightly more adult-themed prizes.

"We are currently testing several new features of the adult Happy Meal as well as a slightly edgier version of Ronald McDonald," said McDonald's publicity chief Judy Tennison. "We have also replaced the current exercise pamphlet and stepometer with a coupon for half hour session at a participating Asian massage parlor." (California and Las Vegas only).

McDonald's corporate office was most excited about the introduction of the new spokesman, who they are optimistic adults will have a much easier time identifying with, rather than the current version of Ronald McDonald, still popular with kids around the world.

"Right now we're calling him Oswald McDonald -- Ozzy for short," Tennison said. "In our focus group studies, many of the18-to-34 year-olds found him much more appealing in a sexy and dangerous way. We think he may be end up being a sort of cross between [Limp Bizkit frontman] Fred Durst and Freddy Krueger of the 'Nightmare on Elm Street' films."

Beginning in August, Oswald McDonald will be featured in a string of commercials consisting of a mini-dating show, where the new spokesman will be searching for a lucky bride among the most fervent McDonald's customers.

Many critics of McDonald's question the new marketing strategy, saying that the healthier, more adult-oriented Happy Meal came a little too late and only after a recent documentary focused on the unhealthy, high fat content of traditional McDonald's offerings — something the corporate office still denies.

"The important thing is we've listened to what our older customers want, and it's clear what they want is healthier food and the ability to receive oral gratification for under five bucks. Now they can."


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Man went into his bankers to tell them of his plans for a new business: "I'm thinking of starting up in the cheese business", he says.

"Yup", says the bank manager, "What are you thinking of calling the cheese?" "Don't know", says the man. "Try the name of a place" After a long thought, the businessman says "Cheddar"! "Nope", replies the bank manager. "There's already a cheese from that place. Try again". The man goes away.

Three months later, he's back: "I've thought of a name" "What is it?" "Wensleydale" "Nope: there's already one from there too". The man goes away.

Six months later, he's back again: "Leicester" "Sorry: there's one from there too. Try another place." The man goes away.

Nine months later, he's back. More adventurous this time. "Edam", he says "Sorry: better, but there's one from there too. Try further afield." The man goes away.

A Year later, he's back again. "Nazareth", he says "Excellent", says the bank manager. "It's a place name. And it hasn't been used by anybody else in the industry. Brilliant, that's the product sorted out. Now what are you going to call the company?" And the man replies ...

"Cheeses of Nazareth"


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