Stans Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 We'll start this with some words of wisdom. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. That makes me smile. A penny saved is a government oversight. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. He who hesitates is probably right. Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL"? If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words "The" and "IRS" together it spells "Theirs"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 President Bush calls in the head of the CIA and asks: "How come the Jews know everything before we do?" The chief says, "The Jews have this expression - 'Vus tut zich?" The President says, "Hell, what's that mean?" "Well, Mr. President", replies the CIA chief, "It's a Yiddish expression which roughly translates to "what's happening". They just ask each other and they know everything." The President decides to personally go undercover to determine if this is true. He gets dressed up as an Orthodox Jew (black hat, beard, long black coat), and is secretly flown in an unmarked plane to New York, picked up in an unmarked car and dropped off in Brooklyn's most Jewish neighbourhood. Soon a little old man comes shuffling along. The President stops him and whispers, "Vus tut zich?" The old guy whispers back: "Bush is in Brooklyn." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted August 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Helmet Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 There was once a small stick near the top of a tree in the park, who loved sports. He loved watching people come to the park to play football, or other sports. He was so pleased that he was in the park, so he could see all the games going on. But one day, he overheard some people talking about going to "The Game". He became interested, and listened intently, and was amazed to discover that even more exciting games were played in another "park" not far away. He made a decision to go to this park to watch the games there. So the next day, he dropped off the tree - as sticks frequently do - but this one wasn't dead... he was going to "The Game". So he went off in the right direction, and after a while he found the place that the people called "The Park". It didn't look much like a park, but there were lots of people around talking about the game, so he assumed he'd found the right place, and he tried to get in. Unfortunately, he hadn't realised when he looked down from the top of the tree that people were so much bigger and heavier than he was - he weighed next to nothing compared to everyone else there. The people weren't looking out for a small stick trying to get in with them, and because he was so small and not very heavy, he kept getting kicked and trampled and tripped. Finally, he got into the game, and he had a great time cheering for one side and jeering at the other. But getting out of the stadium afterwards was even harder. When he eventually got back to his tree, he was in terrible shape (sticks don't stand up well to being trampled and tripped). The other sticks were horrified that he had gone to such lengths to see a game. "We knew it woud happen," they said, "it's so common, they've even got a saying for it....." "Tripping the light fan stick." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted August 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 Well, after a good run of humorous "bad jokes", DH has fallen back into bad "bad jokes". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 Well, after a good run of humorous "bad jokes", DH has fallen back into bad "bad jokes". <{POST_SNAPBACK}> About time you came to your senses! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Helmet Posted August 6, 2005 Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted August 6, 2005 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2005 AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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