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Joke Thread (02 SEPTEMBER 05)


Donster
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Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?"

"I didn't even see her," admitted Mr. Peterson.

"And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing," continued Mrs. Peterson, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper costume for a mother of two."

"I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Peterson.

"Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Peterson. "A lot of good it does you to go to church."

:D

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Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily. His mother asked, "What's the matter now?" "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a hammer," said Johnny through his tears. "That's not so serious," soothed his mother. "I know you're upset, but a big boy like you shouldn't cry at something like that. Why didn't you just laugh?"

"I did!" sobbed Johnny.

:D

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The television game show was being recorded. The contestant was in the hot seat for the last big question.

The host turned to him, and read the question slowly and carefully. But the contestant didn't know the answer!

Fortunately, he had a backup plan (there was no way he was missing out on this million bucks!). He let out a peircing whistle, and from the back of the stage, four mounted knights-in-armour appeared, waving their lances threateningly at the show's host. The host looked scared for a moment, and then a steely look came over him. He leapt into the air, and karate kicked the first knight onto the floor. He picked up the lance from the stricken knight, and fought off the second, who also fell spawling on the floor. The second knight's horse shied, and bolted, colliding with the third knight in the process.

The game show host was just begining to enjoy himself now. He waved the spear he was still carrying at the fourth knight, looked back at the contestant, and said "Is that your final lancer?"

:P

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The television game show was being recorded. The contestant was in the hot seat for the last big question.

The host turned to him, and read the question slowly and carefully. But the contestant didn't know the answer!

Fortunately, he had a backup plan (there was no way he was missing out on this million bucks!). He let out a peircing whistle, and from the back of the stage, four mounted knights-in-armour appeared, waving their lances threateningly at the show's host. The host looked scared for a moment, and then a steely look came over him. He leapt into the air, and karate kicked the first knight onto the floor. He picked up the lance from the stricken knight, and fought off the second, who also fell spawling on the floor. The second knight's horse shied, and bolted, colliding with the third knight in the process.

The game show host was just begining to enjoy himself now. He waved the spear he was still carrying at the fourth knight, looked back at the contestant, and said "Is that your final lancer?"

:P

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hory Smoke! That joke smerl badry! Rike lotten octopus on summel day! Itchie think I should kirl Dalk Hermet too! <_<

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:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Mary had a little pig,

She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of pork went up,

She shot the little bastard.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two hunks of bread.

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,

"What have you got there?"

Said the Pie man unto Simon,

"Pies, you dumb #$%!"

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings' horses,

And all the kings' men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,

All over the bedside clock.

The little dog laughed to see such fun.

Then died of electric shock.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad........

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

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