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Joke Thread (13 SEPTEMBER 05)


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In a small country pub, all the patrons became quite used to the pub owners little dog being around the bar, so were quite upset when one day the little dog died.

Everyone met to decide how they could remember the little dog. The decision was to cut off his tail and stick it up behind the bar to remind everyone of the little dog's wagging tail.

The little dog went up to heaven and was about to run through the pearly gates when he was stopped by Saint Peter, who questioned the little dog as to where he was going.

The little dog said "I have been a good dog - so I am going into heaven where I belong!".

Saint Peter replied "Heaven is a place of perfection, you can not come into heaven without a tail, where is your tail?"

So the little dog explained the what had happened back on earth, and St Peter told him to go back down to earth and retrieve his tail. The little dog protested that it was now the middle of the night on earth, but St Peter would not change his mind.

So the little dog went back down to earth and scratched on the door of the pub until the bartender who lived upstairs came down and opened the door.

"My goodness, it is the spirit of the little dog. What can I do for you?" said the bartender.

The little dog explained that he wasn't allowed into heaven without his tail, and he needed it back.

The bartender replied "I would really like to help you, but my liquor license doesn't allow me to re-tail spirits after hours!"


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What Whiz said.

A three-year old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom", he asked, "are these my brains.?"

"Not yet," She replied

The difference between "guts" and "balls"

Guts - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,

being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are

you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,

smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife

on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next."

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