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Joke Thread (11 OCTOBER 05)


Dark Helmet
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Once upon a time there was a guy walking along on all fours. He comes to another man who he knows. This man says to the man on all fours, "Mate, what the heck are you doing crawling around on your knees?"

The guy on his knees looks up at him and says, "I'm a turtle, I'm a turtle". The guy looks at him and goes,"Ahhh yeah righto," and off he went.

Next day comes and the same thing happens. The guy asks him again, "Mate, what the Hell are you doing crawling around like that?"

"I'm a turtle, I'm a turtle". The guy goes, "Mate, you've lost your mind, cya later".

Third day comes. Same thing again. "Mate, what are you doing? "

"I'm a turtle, I'm a turtle". The guy looks at him and goes, "That's it, it's official, you're totally out of your head, crazy, and stupid!" Off he goes.

Fourth day, the guy comes around the corner on all fours again, this time he's got a girl on his back. The man says to him, "I thought you'd lost your mind before, but this one really takes the cake. What the heck are you doing now?"

The guy says to him, "I'm a turtle, I'm a turtle". The other guy goes to him..."But yeah, what's that on your back?"

The guy looks up at him and say, "Oh, that's MI-CHELLE!".

:P

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The Top 10 Signs You're Not the Sexual Marvel You Once Were...

10. These days, you get winded just turning down the blanket.

9. "Five times in one night" now means that your overactive bladder syndrome is acting up again.

8. Bob Dole sends you an FTD "Sorry You're Flaccid" bouquet.

7. Then: "Where's Waldo?" played in bed with your pendulous babe; Now: "Where's Waldo?" played in bathroom with your pendulous stomach.

6. Your patented "Inverse Cowgirl" position now lands you in traction for a week.

5. Then: She slipped gently into sleep after spending 30 minutes in a post-orgasmic stupor. Now: She says you're blocking her view of the TV.

4. It takes six Viagras just to play hard to get.

3. Your mother doesn't knock on the bathroom door and express her concern nearly as often as she used to.

2. You can still make her eyes roll back in her head, but now it's out of annoyance.

1. Your come-on line to a cute, 18-year-old high school student with tight jeans and an exposed belly? "GET OFF MY LAWN!!!"

:lol:

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