Donster Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. "How can I help you?" asked the stylist. "I went for a hair transplant," the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5000." "No problem," said the stylist, and she quickly shaved her head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Helmet Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 A certain man had a daughter who was...how do I say this tactfully... ugly. Well, in a desperate attempt to marry her off, this man found a available young gentleman by the name of Herz. He invited him over to supper and, with the promise of a large dowry, suggested Mr. Herz wink at the girl during the meal. Unfortunately, once he saw her, no amount of money would have coaxed him to bat his lashes....which just goes to show you: You can lead a Herz to daughter, but you can't make him wink.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 Hmmm... how to tell this one without offending anyone..... ok, here goes. A(n) [insert the stereotypically frugal ethnicity of your choice here] man goes into a barber shop and asks "how much for a haircut?" The barber replies "eight dollars". The man asks "how much for a shave?" The barber replied "two dollars". The man replies "good, shave my head." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shepherd Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted November 23, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 Stans was getting ready for work one morning when his wife looked at him and said, "What is the matter with you? You look terrible." He replied that he felt great. Stans went to work where his boss took one look at him and said, "What is the matter with you? You look terrible." Stans replied that there was nothing wrong with him and that he felt great. Stans went to lunch with a client and the client looked at him and said, "What is the matter with you? You look terrible." Stans again replied that he felt great. The client suggested he go to the doctor right away because he looked so bad. Stans went to the doctor, and when the doctor walked into the examining room and saw him the doctor said, "My god, you look terrible." Stans explained that everyone was telling him that he looked terrible but that he felt great. The doctor said, "Are you sure you feel great?" Stans reiterated that he definitely felt great! The doctor got out his medical book and looked up "looks terrible". After he found that he looked up the subsection "feels great". The doctor said, "I found it right here under 'looks terrible, feels great'. Stans, at this point very nervous, inquired to the doctor, "Tell me, what is it?" The doctor replied, "According to my book... you're a vagina." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shepherd Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted November 23, 2005 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 Lawyer Joke... A comely redhead was thrilled to have obtained a divorce and dazzled by the skill and virtuosity of her lawyer, not to mention his healthy income and good looks. In fact, she realized, she had fallen head over heals in love with him, even though he was a married man. "Oh, Sam," she sobbed at the conclusion of the trial, "isn't there some way we can be together, the way we were meant to be?" Taking her by the shoulders, Sam proceeded to scold her, "Snatched drinks in grimy bars on the edge of town, lying on the phone, hurried meetings in sordid motels rooms - is that really what you want for us?" "No, no..." she sobbed, heartsick. "Oh," said the lawyer. "Well, it was just a suggestion." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shepherd Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mane_raptor Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 What the difference between a golf ball and a G spot? The average man will spend 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 Yup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edwin Rommel Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo ? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year. ..namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves ! Helllooooo ? It's been a year! (I told him) There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.... He didn't call back. Guess I won that stupid argument. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shepherd Posted November 23, 2005 Report Share Posted November 23, 2005 old but anyway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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