Joke Thread (15 DECEMBER) 2005

[Donster]

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."

"Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office.

At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived . Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.

The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.

"First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed.

"I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"

[Donster]

Two sharp chicks are walking down the street together. They meet an attractive young man and one of them says, "Hi six, four !!"

Later they meet another young stud, and the same girl says, "Hello eight, two!!"

The other girl inquires, "What's with this number stuff you are calling these guys?"

The first girl replies, "Oh, it is simple! The first number is how big he is; the second - how many times he can do it."

As they proceed down the street, the first girl greets another man with, " Hey! Four Roses! "

The second girl says, "Now wait a minute !!! I understand the number system, but Four Roses is a liquor!"

The first girl says, "You got it!!"

[Donster]

A tourist walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at everything, he notices a very lifelike life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking that he decides he must have it. He takes it to the owner and asks, "How much for the bronze rat?"

The owner replies, "$12 for the rat and $100 for the story". The tourist gives the man $12 and says, "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."

As he walks down the street carrying his bronze rat, he notices that a few real rats have crawled out of the alleys and sewers and begun following him down the street. This is disconcerting, and he begins walking faster. But within a couple of blocks, the herd of rats behind him has grown to hundreds, and they begin squealing. He begins to trot toward the Bay, looking around to see that the rats now number in the MILLIONS, and are squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.

Concerned, even scared, he runs to the edge of the Bay, and throws the bronze rat as far out into the water as he can. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay after it, and are all drowned.

The man walks back to the curio shop. "Ah ha," says the owner, "you have come back for the story?"

"No," says the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze democrat, a bronze muslim or anything French."

[Donster]

For our UK contingent...

On the big day, Camilla had chosen a pair of shoes which proved to be far too small, and by the time they retired to their bedchamber that evening, she was in agony.

"Charles," she begged, PLEASE get these damnable shoes off me, Dear, my feet are absolutely KILLING me!"

Charles pulled and tugged mightily, as Camilla moaned and groaned, the noise plainly audible in the next room, where the Queen and Prince Phillip were about to retire.

Charles finally succeeded in removing one shoe, crying out, "By DAMN, that's tight!", accompanied by more groans of relief from his new bride.

Queen Elizabeth nudged Phillip, and smirked, "See...the woman is so homely, she's still a virgin....at her age! Can you IMAGINE!"

Charles, meanwhile succeeded in wresting the other shoe off, as his bride screamed out in pure pleasure.

"By JOVE!...Charles exclaimed loudly...."This one's even tighter than the other!"

Phillip grinned and murmured, "Once a Navy man, ALWAYS a Navy man....."

[Whizkid]

to all of them!

[Whizkid]

A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp

partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted

three wishes.

The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion,

surrounded by 50 beautiful women.

He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down

and the floor is covered in $100 bills. Then, there's a knock at the

door.

He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku

Klux Klan outfits.

They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a

limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's

the two blonde genies.

One blonde genie says to the other one," I can understand the

first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love

to. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire. But why he

wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me."

[Canuck]

[Stans]

[Shepherd]

[Cyclone]

Once a Navy man, ALWAYS a Navy man.....

Wait till my dad hears that!!!!