Donster Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Brand new 2006 edition of "You know you're a redneck when..." 1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. 2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a flyswatter. 3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 4. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 5. You think the "Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive. 6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture. 7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it. 8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. 9. You come back from the dump with more than you took there. 10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. 11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. 12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list. 13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower. 14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. 15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program. 16. You know how man bales of hay your car will hold. 17. You have a rag for a gas cap. 18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. 19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 20. You can spit without opening your mouth. 21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. 22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. 23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side. 24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart. 25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. 26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table. 27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000.00 worth of improvements. 28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back. 29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty. 30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted January 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 An old sailor and an old Marine argued about who'd had the tougher career. "I did 30 years in the Corps," the Marine declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp, I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand and eventually took out an entire machine gun nest with a single grenade. "As a sergeant, I fought in Korea. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. "Finally, as a gunner sergeant, I did three combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razorgrass 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. Ina firefight, we shot until our arms ached and our guns were empty. Then we charged the enemy with bayonets." "Ah," the sailor said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "All shore duty." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted January 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Redneck electric toothbrush Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edwin Rommel Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted January 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Redneck Ratfink tatoo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JClark Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 "15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program." Ayup, that's me. And before you Yankees start anymore of this dumb redneck nonsense, I suggest you think about where all of NASAs main research center are...Texas....Alabama....Mississipi...Florida.... irginia... Boats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JClark Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 An old sailor and an old Marine argued about who'd had the tougher career. "I did 30 years in the Corps," the Marine declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp, I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand and eventually took out an entire machine gun nest with a single grenade. "As a sergeant, I fought in Korea. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. "Finally, as a gunner sergeant, I did three combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razorgrass 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. Ina firefight, we shot until our arms ached and our guns were empty. Then we charged the enemy with bayonets." "Ah," the sailor said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "All shore duty." <{POST_SNAPBACK}> About time you got a joke right, Donnie! (Quick boys, fire the Mike boat up, we need to get back to the ship, right dee hell now, before that drunken gunnery sergeant wakes up!) Boats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mane_raptor Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 "15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program." Ayup, that's me. And before you Yankees start anymore of this dumb redneck nonsense, I suggest you think about where all of NASAs main research center are...Texas....Alabama....Mississipi...Florida.... irginia... Boats <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Ahyup, and it's good thing you got the boat too. 'Cause with this here "Global Warming" thingy comin' on, all them places are goina be under-wawa!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Under-wawa? Barbara Wawa? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mane_raptor Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 WATER, you "over-the-hill-at-40-because-I-can't-any-longer-consume-mass-quanties-of-liquor", you. Jeesh!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edwin Rommel Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Keepen zhe mouffen schut until you have zheen vhot zhiz zhide uf zhe hill lookz like you young vhun you!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 Keepen zhe mouffen schut until you have zheen vhot zhiz zhide uf zhe hill lookz like you young vhun you!!! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I don't think I'll live to be the one hundered and whatever years old you are. By the way, how's life in jurasic park? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whizkid Posted January 21, 2006 Report Share Posted January 21, 2006 "15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program." Ayup, that's me. And before you Yankees start anymore of this dumb redneck nonsense, I suggest you think about where all of NASAs main research center are...Texas....Alabama....Mississipi...Florida.... irginia... Boats <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Ahhh,so that's the problem! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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