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Joke Thread (23 JANUARY) 2006


Donster
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When I was in Phoenix, my good friend Bill had been listening to the morning radio station where they'd asked people to call in and tell them what they *didn't* like about the opposite sex.

One fella called in saying he didn't like women that placed their elbows on the table. That call got another lady mad enough to call in and say, "Well, if he wasn't so damned boring, we wouldn't have to put our heads in our hands to keep from falling asleep."

Another guy called in to complain about women's hairy armpits. He said, "If a lady looks like she has Chewbacca in a headlock, I want no part of it . . . "

:D

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A woman had been advised by her doctor to go on a strict diet but she couldn't discipline herself and would spend most of the day raiding the fridge. As her weight ballooned, one day she got stuck on the toilet seat.

"Mike, Mike!" she called to her husband. "The toilet seat's stuck to my butt. Get the doctor."

The husband asked the doctor to come round as soon as he could but didn't explain what the problem was. In the meantime, the husband managed to remove the seat from the toilet bowl - but it was still wedged fast to his wife's backside. He suggested she go and kneel on the bed until the doctor arrived.

When the doctor showed up, the husband showed him straight into the bedroom where the wife was kneeling with her back to the door.

"What do you think, doc?" asked the husband.

"I think it's very nice," replied the doctor, "but why such a cheap frame?"

:D

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A guy goes to a proctologist ...

... and says "Doc, I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable down below. Would you take a look?"

He does. "Incredible!" He exclaims. "There's a $20 note lodged there." He eases it out with some forceps, and immediately a $10 note appears. "This is amazing", he says. "What do you want me to do?"

"Yeah, well take it out, please, doc, would you?"

He does, and notes continue to appear one after the other, all of which he removes. Finally there are no more.

"Ah, Thanks, doc, I'm feeling much more comfortable now. Out of interest, just how much was there all together?"

The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says "Exactly $1990."

"Ah," replies the guy. That explains it...... (wait for it) "I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."

:P

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