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Joke Thread (9 FEBRUARY) 2006


Donster
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One of the local television stations in South Louisiana actually aired an interview with a woman from New Orleans. The interviewer was a woman from a Boston affiliate. She asked the woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the area had affected their lives.

Without hesitation, the woman replied," I don't know about all those other people, but we haven't gone to churches in years. We gets our chicken from Popeye's."

The look on the interviewer's face was priceless.

:D

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In a small country pub, all the patrons became quite used to the pub owner's little dog being around the bar, so they were quite upset when one day the little dog died.

Everyone met to decide how they could remember the little dog. The decision was to cut off his tail and stick it up behind the bar to remind everyone of the little dog's wagging tail.

The little dog went up to heaven and was about to run through the Pearly Gates when he was stopped by Saint Peter, who questioned the little dog as to where he was going.

The little dog said "I have been a good dog, so I am going into heaven where I belong!"

Saint Peter replied "You can not come into heaven without a tail. Where is your tail"?

The little dog explained what had happened back on Earth. Saint Peter told the little dog to go back down to Earth and retrieve his tail. The little dog protested that it was now the middle of the night back at the pub, but Saint Peter would not change his mind.

So the little dog went back down to Earth and scratched on the door of the pub until the bartender who lived upstairs came down and opened the door.

"My goodness, it is the spirit of the little dog. What can I do for you"? said the bartender. The little dog explained that he wasn't allowed into heaven without his tail, and he needed it back.

The bartender replied "I would really like to help you, but my liquor license doesn't allow me to...retail spirits after hours!"

:P

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One of the local television stations in South Louisiana actually aired an interview with a woman from New Orleans. The interviewer was a woman from a Boston affiliate. She asked the woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the area had affected their lives.

Without hesitation, the woman replied," I don't know about all those other people, but we haven't gone to churches in years. We gets our chicken from Popeye's."

The look on the interviewer's face was priceless.

:D

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

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Grandpa's advice

This is a short story written by a grandson who had a very special

relationship with his Grandpa. Many of us unfortunately were born after our

own Grandpas had passed on and never had the opportunity to enjoy moments

like this. The grandson writes...

I hope this will again confirm that the most important information in your

life won't come from a teacher, the library or the Internet. It comes from

a mentor, and always on a very personal level.

My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up and for me it is a time

to reminisce. We used to take long walks and drives together. He would make

special trips to pick me up so I could spend weekends with him.

I was young when he died. If he were living today and sharing his pearls of

wisdom, I'd be a better man. Those gems were all well and good, but the one

I remember best came from him when I was only 12.

We were sitting in a park, watching children with their mothers enjoying a

beautiful spring day. He told me that one day, I'd find a woman and start my

own family. Then came the jewel in the crown of grandfatherly advice when he

said, "And be sure you marry a woman with small hands."

"Why should I do that, Grandpa?" I asked.

"It makes your pecker look bigger."

It kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

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Anagrams

> DORMITORY:

> When you rearrange the letters:

> DIRTY ROOM

>

> PRESBYTERIAN:

> When you rearrange the letters:

> BEST IN PRAYER

>

> ASTRONOMER:

> When you rearrange the letters:

> MOON STARER

>

> DESPERATION:

> When you rearrange the letters:

> A ROPE ENDS IT

>

> THE EYES:

> When you rearrange the letters:

> THEY SEE

>

> GEORGE BUSH:

> When you rearrange the letters:

> HE BUGS GORE

>

>

> THE MORSE CODE:

> When you rearrange the letters:

> HERE COME DOTS

>

> SLOT MACHINES:

> When you rearrange the letters:

> CASH LOST IN ME

>

> ANIMOSITY:

> When you rearrange the letters:

> IS NO AMITY

>

> ELECTION RESULTS:

> When you rearrange the letters:

> LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

>

> SNOOZE ALARMS:

> When you rearrange the letters:

> ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

>

> A DECIMAL POINT:

> When you rearrange the letters:

> IM A DOT IN PLACE

>

>

> ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

> When you rearrange the letters:

> TWELVE PLUS ONE

>

>

> AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

>

> MOTHER-IN-LAW:

> When you rearrange the letters:

> WOMAN HITLER

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The Preacher and the Pilot

A preacher dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Peter the Pilot, retired Delta Airlines Pilot from Miami."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom."

The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next it's the preacher's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's in Pasadena for the last 43 years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the preacher, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."

"Just a minute," says the preacher. "that man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff, and I get only cotton and wood? How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter, "while you preached, people slept. While he flew, people prayed.

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