Jump to content

Joke Thread (28 FEBRUARY) 2006


Donster
 Share

Recommended Posts

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A white house source stated that Congress is awarding Vice-President Dick Cheney the Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian commendation, for his act of bravery in shooting an attorney.

The source was quoted to say, "All Americans have wanted to shoot a lawyer at one time or another and Cheney actually had the guts to do it".

In a related story, the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, which issues hunting licenses, said that it will start requiring hunters, wishing to bag a lawyer, to have the new "lawyer's stamp" on their hunting license.

Currently Texas hunters are required to carry stamps for hunting birds, deer, and bear, at a cost of $7 annually. The new "lawyers stamp" will cost $100, but open season will be all year long. The department further stated that although the "lawyers stamp" comes at hefty price, sales have been brisk and it is believe it will generate annual revenues in excess of $3 billion dollars the first year. Other states are considering similar hunting stamps.

:D

Dick Cheney's Trophy room..

cheney_trophy_room.jpg

:D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The thing I don't understand is was the lawyer apologized to Cheney!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, come'on, someone shoots you in the face and all you can say is, "Gee, sorry I got in the way"?

Sounds like they should have checked for a couple of pellets in the brain while they were at it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The thing I don't understand is was the lawyer apologized to Cheney!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, come'on, someone shoots you in the face and all you can say is, "Gee, sorry I got in the way"?

Sounds like they should have checked for a couple of pellets in the brain while they were at it.

Maybe he received a very nice check? (spelled in US english...not cheque like Cdn) :P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, The wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring. Yeah right!" she says. A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep.

Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring! The woman is amazed! Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and begins snoring loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon might work on him. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly.

The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, "I don't know where we were .... or what we did ... but, by God ... We took first and second place!"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Exercise for Seniors (But it will work for anyone)

>

> I came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle

> strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, I thought I'd

pass it on. The article suggested doing it three days a week.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks. Then

50-lb.potato sacks, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...