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Jokes (4 MARCH) 2006

Dark Helmet

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A man was walking along the beach and found an old Genie lamp. He immediately started rubbing it. Sure enough a genie pops out and before the startled man can say anything the Genie turns him into a crab.

Another man saw what happened and he asked the Genie why he turned the man into a crab before he could say anything?

The Genie replied, "Aww he just rubbed me the wrong way."


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Now that Dubya is in a mess with this port thing, Haliburton is considering on buying a whole city to take over the action.

They are waiting for a signal from the White House telling them that their offer is now expected.

To maintain some secrecy in this manner the signal will be by playing an old Frank Sinatra song on Cheney's iPod with the words altered to reflect the announcement.

You know what will Frank say?

"Do Buy Dubai, Due."


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She was in the kitchen doing the boiled eggs for breakfast. Shep walks in and she says, "You've got to make love to me this very moment."

Shep, thinking it's his lucky day, gives her one over the kitchen table.

Afterwards Shep asks, "What was that all about?"

She says "The egg timer's broken!"


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On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes

through a severe storm. The turbulence is

awful, and things go from bad to worse when

one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming,

she stands up in the front of the plane.

"I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she

yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my

last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there

anyone on this plane who can make me feel like


For a moment there is silence. Everyone has

forgotten their own peril. They all stare,

riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of

the plane.

Then a man from Texas stands up in the rear of

the plane. He is Handsome - tall, well built,

with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts

to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt.

One button at a time......

No one moves..................

He removes his shirt................

Muscles ripple across his chest..........

She gasps....................................

He whispers......................................

"Iron this...and then get me a beer."

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