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Joke Thread for Wed. 3/15/06


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Subject: Fw: 60th Wedding Anniversary


An elderly couple was sitting around one evening and the man says to

his wife , "Marsha, we are about to celebrate our 60th wedding anniversary.

We've had a wonderful life together, full of contentment and

blessings. But there's something I've always wondered about. Tell me the truth.

Have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

She hesitated a moment, then said, "Yes, Sidney, three times."

"Three times? How could that happen?" Sidney asks.

Marsha replied, "Well, do you remember right after we were married

and we were so broke that t he bank was about to foreclose on our

little house?"

"Yes, dear, those were really difficult times," replied Sidney.

"And remember when I went to see the banker one night, and the next

day the bank extended our loan?"

"Gosh, that's really hard to take," said Sidney. "But since things

were so bad at the time, I guess I can forgive you. What was the

second time?"

"Well," Marsha continued, "do you remember years later when you

almost died of that heart problem because we couldn't afford an operation?"

"Yes, of course," said Sidney. "Then you will remember that right

after I went to see the doctor, he performed the operation at no cost?"

"Yes, I remember," said Sidney, "and as much as that shocks me, I do

understand that you did what you did out of love for me, so I forgive you.

So, what was the third time?"

Marsha lowered her head and said, "Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club and you needed 62 more votes?"

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A rather bookish young man goes into a whorehouse to seek entertainment. He goes up to the madam and says, "Madam, I'd like woman for the evening."

The Madam says, "Sir, I'm afraid all the girls are taken tonight, but if you'd care to, I'm available."

So the guy and the madam go into a bedroom and get undressed. As he takes off his clothes, she looks him over and she notices that, flaccid, he's only two inches long.

But then the guy says, "Rise, Caesar!" And his weenie grows to a full 12 inches. So they have a great time, and after about five hours the madam is very impressed.

"Sir," she says, "this has been one of the most pleasurable evenings of my life. I was wondering if you'd mind if I called the girls in so they could have alook at you. You're really something special, you know."

But the guy says, "No, madam, no. I have come to bury Caesar, not to praise him."


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A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn't possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked Bubba, "Just what the hell is your secret?"

Bubba replied, "Well, coach, whenever I'm about to have sex, I always whip it out and bang it on the dresser like a hammer. That numbs it and I can screw em forever!"

The coach went home early that day and went straight to the bedroom. He heard his wife in the shower and, seeing a window of opportunity, tore off his clothes and started banging his penis on the dresser.

His wife immediately stuck her head out of the shower and said, "Is that you, Bubba?"


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Letter of Recommendation

Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found

hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without

wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never

thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always

finishes given assignments on time. Often, Bob takes extended

measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

breaks. Bob is an individual who has absolutely no

vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be

classified as a high-caliber employee, the type that cannot be

dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be

promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

executed as soon as possible.


Project Leader


Shortly thereafter, the HR department received the following memo from the Project Leader:

Sorry, but that idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today.

Kindly read only the odd numbered lines for my assessment.


Project Leader

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