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Jokes (17 MARCH 2006)


Dark Helmet
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Stans looked at the menu at the airport restaurant, and saw that the sandwiches were named for planes. "I'll have a 'jumbo jet,'" he said.

When the order arrived, he was disappointed to see how small his burger was, but he ate it anyway. He called his waiter over. "Was that the 'jumbo jet?'" Stans asked.

"Yeah," the waiter answered. "Went pretty fast, didn't it?"

:D

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A woman gets friendly with a guy at a Shriner's Convention.....he says, "Have we met before?"

She replies, "I don't recall the name, but the fez is familiar....."

:P

Oh,DH,how can you be so mean? And it was a good day,too! :banghead:

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Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guys responds proudly, "Yes, that I am."

The first guy says, "So am I. And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I. And what street did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guys says, " A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith and it's a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited and say! s, :And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 too."

About this time a woman walks in to the bar, sits down and orders a drink.

The bartender walks over to her shaking his head and muttering, "It's going to be a long night tonight."

The woman asks, "Why do you say that?"

The bartender replies, "The Murphy twins are drunk again."

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Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."

The other guys responds proudly, "Yes, that I am."

The first guy says, "So am I. And where about from Ireland might you be?"

The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."

The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I. And what street did you live on in Dublin?"

The other guys says, " A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."

The first guy says, "Faith and it's a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."

The first guy gets really excited and say! s, :And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"

The other guy answers, "Well now, let's see, I graduated in 1964."

The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 too."

About this time a woman walks in to the bar, sits down and orders a drink.

The bartender walks over to her shaking his head and muttering, "It's going to be a long night tonight."

The woman asks, "Why do you say that?"

The bartender replies, "The Murphy twins are drunk again."

Perfect for St Patricks Day! :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

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As I grow older, I see some of my favorite Artists are also growing older and are revising their original hits...

THEY INCLUDE:

1. Herman's Hermits - Mrs. Brown, You've got a Lovely “Walker”

2. Bee Gees - How Can You Mend a Broken Hip

3. Bobby Darin - Splish, Splash, I Was Having a Flash

4. Ringo Starr - I Get by with a Little Help from my Depends

5. Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face

6. Johnny Nash - I Can't See Clearly Now

7. Paul Simon - Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver

8. Commodores - Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom

9. Marvin Gaye - Heard it Through the Grape Nuts

10. Procol Harem - A Whiter Shade of Hair

11. Leo Sayer - You Make Me Feel Like Napping

12. The Temptations - Papa's Got a Kidney Stone

13. Abba - Denture Queen

14. Tony Orlando - Knock 3 Times on the Ceiling if You Hear Me Fall

15. Helen Reddy - I am Woman, Hear Me Snore

16. Willie Nelson - On the Commode Again

17. Leslie Gore - It's My Procedure and I'll Cry if I Want to

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Well, it was late at night when it got posted and time marches on. Guess I should have waited until the next morning.

Yeah,but you know these young kids,no sense of REAL humor!

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