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Joke Thread (22 MARCH 06)


Donster
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The following 15 Police Comments were taken off of actual police car videos around the country...

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey DOO."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?..... You're right, we don't. .... Sign here.

:D

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Billy, Johnny and David, three six year old boys, were playing in the woods when Johnny found an old oil lamp.

"Cor," Billy said. "That's prob'ly one of those Genie lamps wot I keep reading about. Give it a rub and we'll have three wishes or sumfink."

"Hang on a minute," said David. "I've read about these Genies too and they always tries to trick you into having sumfink you don't want. We ought to think about this first."

"Well I know wot I want," Billy said. "I'm going to ask if my body could be covered in Gold so's I can scrape it all off and buy a car and park it right outside my house."

"Yeah," David joined in. "Only I'm going to ask if my body could be covered in platinum, an' then I'm going to buy two cars to park outside my house.

"Well," retorted Johnny. "That is a good idea but you should axe for your body to be covered in hair 'cos my sister's only got a little patch on her and you should see the cars lined up outside my house!"

:D

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Bob Dylan wrote the song, not Peter, Paul, and Mary, and according to the US Census data, the average US home has a 1.5 car garage.

I really wish you'd get your facts straight..............Jeesh

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Bob Dylan wrote the song, not Peter, Paul, and Mary, and according to the US Census data, the average US home has a 1.5 car garage.

I really wish you'd get your facts straight..............Jeesh

True about Dylan, but Peter, Paul and Mary released it first. :P

As for the garage size data, :wtf: differance does that make? :grrr::eatmyshorts:

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DH don't listen to me unless I tell him a joke is funny. Then he gets all pissy, which is even funnier.

DH doesn't even know if a joke is funny! He gets paid to put 'em there just to piss everybody off!

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