Donster Posted March 28, 2006 Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 Lottie went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." Lottie thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." Lottie was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad." When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, "New house, new madam, new girls." The girls and Lottie were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised. Moments later, Lottie's husband Donnie came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi, Donnie!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mane_raptor Posted March 28, 2006 Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 So, Donnie, did you bake that bird or just make soup out of it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canuck Posted March 28, 2006 Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted March 28, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 So, Donnie, did you bake that bird or just make soup out of it? Baked, with a grape shoved up its ass and one in its mouth too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted March 28, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 Reason #1 why Donnie's first wife divorced him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canuck Posted March 28, 2006 Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 ...........and Donnie keeps digging!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted March 28, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 ...........and Donnie keeps digging!!!! I gotta give ya a break Canuckie once in awhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Helmet Posted March 28, 2006 Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 This month will be the anniversary of Albert Einstein's birthday. He was born March 14, 1879. Few remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection. It was called Einstein's Theory of RelativeTitty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldWSO Posted March 28, 2006 Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 Alternate Lottie and the Parrot: While in the pet store, Lottie sees an ugly parrot with a large, powerful beak. A sign on the cage says"DANGER, CRUNCH BIRD". The owner explains that the bird will attack on command and can destroy almost anything with his beak. As a demo, he says "Crunch bird-brick." CRUNCH, the brick is destroyed. Lottie immediately demands to buy the bird. "No, lady, this bird is not for sale, he is too dangerous and destructive. Besides, why would you want a beast like this in your home?" "Well, when Donnie gets home and sees the bird, he'll say "Well, Lottie, what have you squandered our money on today?" "Donnie, its a crunch bird-is'nt he wonderful?" And Donnie will reply, "Crunch bird, my ass." Sorry Donnie, the devil made me do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted March 28, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 Alternate Lottie and the Parrot: While in the pet store, Lottie sees an ugly parrot with a large, powerful beak. A sign on the cage says"DANGER, CRUNCH BIRD". The owner explains that the bird will attack on command and can destroy almost anything with his beak. As a demo, he says "Crunch bird-brick." CRUNCH, the brick is destroyed. Lottie immediately demands to buy the bird. "No, lady, this bird is not for sale, he is too dangerous and destructive. Besides, why would you want a beast like this in your home?" "Well, when Donnie gets home and sees the bird, he'll say "Well, Lottie, what have you squandered our money on today?" "Donnie, its a crunch bird-is'nt he wonderful?" And Donnie will reply, "Crunch bird, my ass." Sorry Donnie, the devil made me do it. LMAO! That's no joke! That would be the truth! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whizkid Posted March 28, 2006 Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whizkid Posted March 28, 2006 Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 The Madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s. "Can I help you?" she asked. "I want to see Natalie," the man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam. "No, I must see Natalie" was the man's reply. Just then, Natalie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $2,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out the money and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left. The next night the same man appeared again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, too expensive - and there were no discounts. The price was still $2,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Natalie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Natalie and they went upstairs. After their session, Natalie questioned the man. "No one has ever used me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked. The man replied, "South Carolina." "Really?" she said. "I have family in South Carolina." "I know ," the man said. "Your father died and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $6,000 inheritance." The moral of the story is: Some things in life are certain... 1. Death 2. Taxes 3. And being screwed by a lawyer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted March 28, 2006 Author Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 The Madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s. "Can I help you?" she asked. "I want to see Natalie," the man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam. "No, I must see Natalie" was the man's reply. Just then, Natalie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $2,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out the money and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left. The next night the same man appeared again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, too expensive - and there were no discounts. The price was still $2,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Natalie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Natalie and they went upstairs. After their session, Natalie questioned the man. "No one has ever used me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked. The man replied, "South Carolina." "Really?" she said. "I have family in South Carolina." "I know ," the man said. "Your father died and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $6,000 inheritance." The moral of the story is: Some things in life are certain... 1. Death 2. Taxes 3. And being screwed by a lawyer. I was going to say that joke is older than Whizkid...but then I got to thinking, 'Is there anything older than Whizkid?' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whizkid Posted March 28, 2006 Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 I was going to say that joke is older than Whizkid...but then I got to thinking, 'Is there anything older than Whizkid?' Dirt? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted March 28, 2006 Report Share Posted March 28, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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