Donster Posted April 21, 2006 Report Share Posted April 21, 2006 The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line, at which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This", he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it." A smartass stepped forward and asked, "Where is my father?" There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task. Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the laser printer printed out a piece of paper: "Fishing off Florida." The smartass laughed, "Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question." The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps a rewording of the question might work better. The smartass said to the Ultimate Computer, "Where is my mother's husband?" Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the room. After a moment, the laser printer whirred to life. The paper said: "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted April 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2006 THE BRITISH BOARD OF HEALTH HAS PROPOSED THAT WARNING SIGNS BE PLACED ON BOOZE BOTTLES TO TIP OFF DRINKERS ABOUT THE POSSIBLE PERIL OF POUNDING A PINT OR TWO. 1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a crap truck at 100 yards. 2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole. 3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN. 4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to say things like thish. 5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party. 6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning. 7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway. 8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember) 9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead. 10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted April 21, 2006 Report Share Posted April 21, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunny Posted April 21, 2006 Report Share Posted April 21, 2006 LOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donster Posted April 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2006 The Adventures of Canuck! Join us now for another chapter in Canuck's never ending quest for truth, justice and a little bit of puddy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted April 21, 2006 Report Share Posted April 21, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JClark Posted April 21, 2006 Report Share Posted April 21, 2006 I better hope to hell my blonde wife NEVER looks at these jokes! Boats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclone Posted April 22, 2006 Report Share Posted April 22, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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