Donster Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 Q. Did you hear about the new all female delivery service? A. It's called UPMS. They deliver whenever they feel like it. A British company is developing a computer chip that stores music in women's breast implants. This is a major breakthrough, since women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunny Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 LMAO!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shepherd Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 good one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OldWSO Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spectre_USA Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shepherd Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 Subject: The Biker and God A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish. "The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want." "The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me." The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy. "The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shepherd Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind that you should know five things: 1- The bartender is a blonde girl. 2- The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3- I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4- The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. 5- The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah. Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shepherd Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies. 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stans Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 to all of the above! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canuck Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whizkid Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 Funniest for months! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclone Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 shep, you read Reader's Digest? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shepherd Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 Negative Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclone Posted May 5, 2006 Report Share Posted May 5, 2006 Ah, okay then, just thought I'd ask. RD came out with these some time back, I posted them too. Real funny, they are Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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